Too Busy for Sex? Think Again!
Let me ask you… If you're struggling to find the time to get dinner on the table for your family, would you open up a highly-involved Martha Stewart cookbook to make it happen? No. Chances are, you'd pull open the freezer and heat up whatever you can find.
So if you're one of the countless exhausted moms who wonders when the heck you'll find the time for some romance – and we're not even talking foreplay, people -- why would you turn to all of those "spice things up" this way and "make him crazy" that way articles? What we need as moms is quick, easy tips to make things happen.
I'm here to help you get things cooking.
Excuse #1: I don't have time.
If you have time to seek out old friends on Facebook, you have time to show the person you committed to that they still do it for you. And the act of getting it done is not just beneficial to your partner. Good sex makes us look younger, feel better and burns calories. So skip the gym and try sexercise instead.
Here are a few tips:
Good morning sex: Julie Taylor, sex expert and co-author of How to Be a Dominant Diva, says mornings are a great time to sneak in sex for parents -- set the alarm 30 minutes early for some one-on-one time. Stashing mints in the nightstand to banish morning breath is not a bad idea either. Talk about starting the day off right…
On a random Friday morning, I returned home from dropping the kids off at school and my husband had poured coffee, lit a fire and called in a little late for work. The alone time was just the spark we needed to reconnect, and I had a smile on my face all weekend long.
Nap sex: Got small kids? Instead of using their afternoon nap to get the never- ending laundry done, use that time for a quickie. Worried about someone toddling in? Invest in a bedroom lock -- and make sure to turn on the baby monitor so you can keep tabs on them.
Netflix sex: That's right, Lightning McQueen got me my groove back. Rent a movie for the kids, set it up for them and get busy! And if you're like many couples, you may even be done before the previews are over.
Pre-Date-Night Sex: You're showered and dressed up, ready to head out for the night. But how many of us are exhausted by the time we get through dinner and return home? Try calling the sitter to start an hour earlier and go upstairs to "get ready" together. Taylor says, "If you have sex BEFORE date night, pressure's off later (when you might be tired anyway)."
Too shy with the sitter in the house? Try having the babysitter take the kids for a walk around the block. Just don't take the empty-house as an opportunity to get a nap in.
Excuse #2 I'm not "in the mood." We get it. Life has a funny way of sucking the energy out of us. But there are ways to ramp up your libido on short notice.
Sexting: The very thing that we warn our kids about can be the key to spicing things up. Taylor says, "Sexting your man can be a lot of fun and can definitely build anticipation. Tell him what you are going to do to him later!" Warning: Just be careful sending pictures or anything TOO racy, especially if you're afraid his cell phone might fall into little hands! (Try sexting him from the next room, then erase the messages from BOTH phones right afterward for peace of mind.)
Put it on the calendar: I know, "How unromantic!" But you know what's less romantic? Divorce. You schedule everything else in your life -- why not schedule sex too? Anticipating it could even get you in the mood and get you both talking about what's going to happen (see: sexting). Your relationship is just as important (or likely more important) than the other things on your to-do list.
Just do it: During a recent doctor visit, I shared with my OB/Gyn that I was not feeling up to it. His answer? Do it anyway. At first I thought "typical guy," but he was right. "Having sex will make you want sex more," Taylor says. "This is true. Sex begets sex. How many times have you NOT wanted to do it, but once it got started, you got into the mood? The problem is that moms are SO busy and SO exhausted that sex is usually the last thing on our minds. It often feels like just one more thing to do. But if you make a vow to do it at least two times a week, and stick to it, your sex drive will go up. "Use it or lose it" is true ... especially when it comes to sex drive!
Show and Tell: Most men get turned on by visuals and most women get turned on by words. For you, just saying that you want your partner, or what you want him to do, could make you want it more. Don't forget, he's not a mind reader. Show him what you're looking for and let him do his thing.
Don't Worry: If you're anything like millions of other women, maybe you avoid sex because you haven't dropped the baby weight, or some other self-perceived flaw. Don't let that get in the way! Your man won't. Taylor insists, "Guys are just happy that you're there naked with them. They're not worried about the fact you're overdue for a wax. Are you sitting there focusing on HIS flaws when you have sex? Of course not. He isn't either. If he weren't into you, he wouldn't have married you."
Now stop reading and go have some fun. I dare you.