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I try to have my daughter see the other side....how she would feel if she were excluded from a group. I had her read a book by Madonna called The English Roses which helped her to understand how the person on the outside feels when they are not included. I had her write a short paper on friendship and what it means and how she would like to be treated by others. She apologized to the friends that were excluded and felt much better about herself after being nice to everyone.
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With kindergarteners, you can talk about how it feels to be included or excluded. Also work on "I messages." Teach kids to stand up for their feelings by teaching them to say:
"I feel (emotion) when you (action) because (description/clarification)."
Example:"I feel sad when you say I can't play with you because I want to be your friend and play with you."
This puts the onus on the child that is doing the hurting and lets the hurt child be in charge of his/her feelings.
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