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Parentpedia
Gay & Lesbian Issues
What Experts Say
There is no doubt that social stigmas and discrimination still exist for gay men and lesbian women, so it can be extremely difficult for you to hear that your child is gay. You may feel angry, disappointed, or fearful. However, if you're in this situation, you have a choice to make. Regardless of your personal feelings about homosexuality, you can react in a way that will alienate your child or in a way that will support your child.
A major task of adolescence is identity formation, and this includes a sexual identity. It is during this time that teens may explore different sexual identities. While some teens may be uncertain of their identity and have experiences with both boys and girls, others are certain of their sexual orientation. Many teens choose to keep their sexual identity a secret from parents and other family members. If your teen chooses to tell you, you should try to remember that it's an honor that he trusts you and is looking for support.
Because teens who identify as gay or lesbian generally face some social and emotional difficulties, such as feelings of guilt, teasing and rejection from peers, and worrying about health issues and discrimination, support from parents can be a critical factor in their development. You need to manage your own feelings about homosexuality so that you can continue to express love and acceptance of your child.
It is okay for you to express your feelings, such as saying, "I had no idea and am shocked by this news; however, I still love you and will support you in any way I can." If you've reacted badly initially, you can begin to repair the relationship by saying something like, "I'm sorry about the way I reacted when you told me, and I want you to know that I love you no matter what."
If you are having difficulty accepting your child's sexual orientation, you may want to talk with a professional who can help you process your feelings. There are also groups such as Parents, Families, and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) that can support you and help you understand your child better.
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The contents of ParentPedia are intended for educational purposes only. Such contents are not intended to, and do not, constitute medical or healthcare advice or diagnosis, and may not be used for such purposes. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Reliance on information presented on ParentPedia is at your own risk.
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