Parentpedia

What Experts Say

Dating is obviously one of the most important rites of passage for an adolescent. You probably recall your own first date, and all the excitement and anxiety that came with it. You might also remember wanting to date sooner than you were allowed, but it's important to remember that when it comes to your child, her interests and desires could be very different than they were for you at that age.

That said, it's helpful for parents to talk to their children about dating in the pre-teen years. If you have rules about when your child will be allowed to start dating, now is the time to share them. These early conversations could also focus on crushes and the basics of sex and attraction.

According to the NYU Child Study Center, dating helps teens develop their identities and sense of self. However, parents are an important part of helping their child build healthy relationships while maintaining their individuality.

As your child becomes interested in dating, you should look for opportunities to talk about it. She might talk about the excitement of liking somebody, getting to know another person, her thoughts about emotional intimacy, and how to make decisions about physical intimacy. Express your values about dating and sex in a way that encourages conversation rather than judging others with different values. This helps promote openness and honesty.

Once you've made the decision to let your teen start dating, you and your partner should make sure you're on the same page by discussing your rules before communicating them to your child.

One rule you might enforce is that you need to know who she's dating. This can be done by making sure that the date originates at your house so you can meet everyone involved.

You might also consider letting her have dates at home, such as watching a movie or having a small party. Give them privacy while still checking in once in a while. (Keep in mind she might prefer "group dates" -- where several kids get together for an evening -- to traditional one-on-one dates.)

It is okay to have other rules, such as knowing where the dates will take place and setting a curfew, but you might also consider allowing more flexibility as your teen demonstrates responsibility. This helps prepare children to make good decisions when there is no parental supervision (such as on a class trip or during the freshman year of college).