Parentpedia

What Experts Say

Personal appearance has always been a battleground between parents and kids. But unlike other questions of authority that can affect your child's health, like drinking or sex, this is one area where many experts feel you might want to show a fair amount of leniency. First of all, keep in mind that fashions change -- believe it or not, there was a time when parents fought with kids over the length of their hair!

Then there's the fact that kids have always felt the need to express their individuality through personal appearance. "Your child needs some arena in which she can say, 'This is me,' " says Madeline Levine, a child psychologist and author of "The Price of Privilege." "It's important for kids to forge a sense of self."

So tread lightly and choose your battles wisely, experts say. For example, you might want to say yes when your daughter asks to dye her hair green, and reserve no for the tongue piercing.

Lastly, keep reminding yourself that your child's goal can be to rebel, and a strong reaction might be exactly what she's after. So when your son comes home with a provocative tattoo, take a deep breath and let him have his rebellious gesture. If you give him the satisfaction of an outburst, you only fuel the fire and increase the chances that he'll do it again. And next time it might be something you really hate.