Using his power for good, not evil

IronJessica's story

July 11, 2007

From the time my son, now seven, could talk, he has engaged with anyone who will listen, regardless of their age or attitude. Consequently, he's made friends easily with kids his own age on up.

We moved to a new neighborhood when he was four, and my son noticed some 12-year-old boys playing basketball in their driveway. While I was chatting with a neighbor outside, he walked two houses up the street, approached the older boys and said, "Hey guys, can I play?"

The 12-year-olds were obviously shocked that this tiny guy would think he was big enough to play with them, but they recovered quickly and let him hang out for a while.

I marvel at him and his self-confidence. I wonder, where did that come from?

I believe part of it is just HIM - after all, both his parents are total extroverts - but part of it is how we parent him. We talk to him, and we expect him to have conversations with us. We explain things to him on a level he can understand and we wait for him to render opinions on topics we discuss. And we ask him probing questions about those opinions - "What information do you have that makes you feel that way? Where did you learn that, or did you come up with it all on your own?"

And I see that his communication skills have made him the center of every group of which he's a part - he's the ringleader. Kids gravitate towards him because he knows how to listen and how to talk.

The worry my husband and I share now is whether our son will become a bully. As he's grown older, he's shown totally age-appropriate but uncool behavior sometimes: usually he's very inclusive of everyone, but once in a while, if he's trying to impress someone, he'll be mean towards another child who isn't part of his little clique.

So as the parents of a natural leader, we know one of our responsibilities will be to teach him to use his power for good, not evil: to make friends with everyone and treat everyone with respect.