Parentpedia

What Experts Say

No matter how hard you have been trying to conceive and how delighted you are to be gestating a new life, there is a lot of stress and anxiety associated with being pregnant. Your body is inhabited. Your life is about to change in ways you can't begin to imagine.

If your pregnancy doesn't go by the books (which many don't), you get a crash course in anxiety and vulnerability as you ponder everything that may be wrong with your baby. Since childbirth is supposed to be a happy addition, it's hard to be prepared for the enormity of stress that the addition of a baby brings.

According to Harriet Lerner, Ph.D., bestselling author of "The Dance of Anger" and "The Mother Dance," there are some effective ways to deal with the stress and anxiety you're feeling during pregnancy and in the postpartum period.

Lerner advises women to:

Recognize that worry, guilt, and feeling inadequate are normal. They come with the territory of pregnancy and new motherhood.

Ask for and get help when you need it. Self-sufficiency (like perfectionism) is the archenemy of pregnant women everywhere.

Avoid self-blame. Don't read any books that leave you feeling worse, and ditto for listening to experts. Listen to feedback and advice that's useful and step aside from negative judgments.

Consider joining or starting a women's group. Find the sort of women who will speak frankly and share their real feelings and hold weekly meetings or host a one-time Stitch and Bitch or Not-cocktail Hour.

Read honest books by women who have been there, like Anne Lamott's "Operating Instructions" and Lerner's "The Mother Dance."