Parentpedia

What Experts Say

There are many ways that people can be rude and you may find yourself noticing (and minding) rudeness more than you used to now that you're pregnant.

Rude behavior includes:

• letting the door shut in your face
• cutting you off in traffic
• cutting ahead in line
• ignoring you when you are shopping or in a restaurant
• making inappropriate remarks about your pregnancy

The rudeness that might bother you the most are rude remarks. Real-life examples of rude things people say to pregnant women include:

• "You're three months pregnant? There's still time to get an abortion."
• "You're finally showing, now you'll look fat like me!"
• "You're going back to work when the baby's born? How awful."

It is very challenging to cope with rude remarks and rude behavior from people when you're pregnant. You may be dealing with your own anxiety about the pregnancy and the changes in your life. Plus, hormonal changes leave you feeling particularly sensitive and vulnerable.

How to Deal with Rudeness

Choose to go elsewhere: If a waiter is rude to you or a shop attendant is ignoring you, leave the restaurant or store and go somewhere else.

Choose your friends: If strangers make rude comments, ignore them. If your friends are consistently hurting your feelings, talk to them about it and ask them to stop. If the behaviors continue, it's time to find more supportive friends.

Laugh later: In the moment rudeness is hurtful and horrifying. After the fact, it can make for a great story and you can enjoy coming up with snappy answers in the safety of your own home, among friends and family.

Let yourself be sensitive: Don't be hard on yourself if the rudeness leaves you feeling wounded or makes you cry. Pregnancy is a sensitive time and you can be as kind to yourself as others are rude to you.

Try not to take it personally: Harriet Lerner, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist and author of the bestseller "The Dance of Anger," advises that in most instances it's not people's intentions to be rude to you specifically and that pregnant women should try not to take it personally.