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A disrupted adoption describes when an adoption fails after the child has come home and after the adoption has been legalized. But some people in and out of adoption sometimes use the term to describe a failed placement -- when a child who is not legally free to be adopted returns to his birth family or goes back into foster care.

The difference may not matter to a grieving adoptive family (or to a grieving child) but it's very important that hopeful adoptive parents understand that parenting a child who is not yet free to be adopted is a legal risk.

Domestic Infant Adoption...

A disrupted adoption describes when an adoption fails after the child has come home and after the adoption has been legalized. But some people in and out of adoption sometimes use the term to describe a failed placement -- when a child who is not legally free to be adopted returns to his birth family or goes back into foster care.

The difference may not matter to a grieving adoptive family (or to a grieving child) but it's very important that hopeful adoptive parents understand that parenting a child who is not yet free to be adopted is a legal risk.

Domestic Infant Adoption

In domestic infant adoption some agencies will not allow hopeful adoptive parents to take a child home until the surrenders are signed --meaning that the birth parents have relinquished all parental rights -- and the grace period in which they have to change their mind has passed. (This grace period varies state to state.) Others will let you take the baby home but warn that the baby is not yet legally free to be adopted.

Adoptive Parents Disrupting the Adoption

Very, very rarely in any kind of adoption the adjustment period never seems to end and the adoptive parents continue to feel overwhelmed by the children in their care. If they feel they can no longer provide adequate nurturing, they may seek to place the children elsewhere and will surrender their parental rights. This is a true disrupted adoption.

Richard Mintzer, author of Yes, You Can Adopt!, says that disrupted adoptions can be best avoided by careful preparation beforehand.

"It's usually a situation where the parent and the people adopting are really not prepared," he says. For example, sometimes the agency does a poor job of teaching their clients about the special needs of the children they are adopting. "When a situation is more extreme, parents may feel overwhelmed and unable to continue parenting that child."

If this is happening to you, it's important that you reach out to your agency for help and referrals. Counseling with a therapist trained in the special issues in adoption is vital.

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