Parentpedia

What Experts Say

Many parents hear the phrase "crying it out" and shudder at the thought of it. "Do you really think I'm going to be able to put my baby in a crib, walk out of the room, and listen to him wail for hours on end?," you might be thinking. The answer? Yes and no, depending on which expert you listen to.

Most experts agree that the best time to start sleep training is when your baby is between 3 and 6 months of age. Before that, you just need to do whatever you can to get your little one to fall asleep -- and stay asleep.

Still, it's never too early to encourage good sleep habits, like having a consistent nighttime routine and bedtime. Michel Cohen, M.D., author of "The New Basics: A-to-Z Baby & Child Care for the Modern Parent" also recommends a laissez-faire approach to your baby's night wakings: Don't jump at her slightest peep and fuss. Instead, give her time to learn how to self-soothe (by sucking on her fist, for example) and fall back asleep by herself. (Of course, if her cries are persistent, she's probably hungry or wet and needs to be tended to.)

Once your baby hits 3 to 6 months, it's time to choose a course of action. Dr. Cohen is a hard-liner when it comes to sleep training. He recommends putting your 4-month-old to bed after a bedtime routine, kissing her goodnight, and not returning until the next morning.

As he writes in his book, "I know this sounds drastic ... The first night she'll cry two to three times, for 20 to 30 minutes (you'll feel like crying, too); the second night she'll cry less; and the third even less. By the fourth night, you're home free."

Don't think you can handle it? Most experts know that this is tough for parents and follow a softer approach made famous by Richard Ferber, M.D., author of "Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems." Also known as "Ferberizing," this sleep-training approach involves letting your baby cry for gradually longer periods of time (starting at just three or five minutes and gradually working up to 20 or 30 minutes) before returning to the nursery to check on her.

Also called the "progressive waiting" approach, this method says you should spend no more than a minute or two reassuring your baby -- just give a pat on the back and leave -- but expect the tears to intensify when you walk back out of the room. Still, if you follow this approach, most babies will learn to self-soothe back to sleep and should be sleeping very well by day three or four.

Whatever approach you follow, these tips can help:

• Keep your child's temperament in mind when sleep training. Some babies will be calmed by seeing you (however briefly) in the nursery. Others will get more angry when you come and go.
• If you check on your baby, don't pick her up. Just reassure her by talking to her or patting her on the back. Stay calm: If you act upset, your baby will pick up on it and become more upset, too.
• Once you've started sleep training, resist the urge to bail. "If you give up after 20 minutes and pick your baby up, all you've taught her is that she has to scream for 20 minutes for you to get her," says Jodi Mindell, Ph.D., associate director of the Sleep Center at the Children's Hospital in Philadelphia and author of "Sleeping Through the Night." In addition, keep in mind that the second night of sleep training is often the worst. "Most babies are much better by the third night -- either not crying at all or for just a minute before falling asleep on their own," she explains.
• Be patient. Sleep training can take as long as 7 to 10 days. And it's not a cure-all. Babies can revert to poor sleep habits and rely on you to help them fall asleep after an illness or a family vacation. In that case, you may have to redo whatever approach worked for you the first time.