Parentpedia

What Experts Say

Before your infant is even born, parents begin the process of bonding, or attachment, with their baby-to-be. Whether you're singing a song or rubbing your belly while you talk to your baby, he's learning the sound of your voice and your partner's, and you're forming one of the most special relationships you'll ever have.

Once your baby is born, it becomes apparent to her that she must depend on you for her survival.

"Babies learn pretty quickly who's fulfilling all of their basic needs -- who's changing them, feeding them, clothing them, and loving them," says Tanya Remer Altmann, M.D., F.A.A.P., editor-in-chief of the AAP's (American Academy of Pediatrics) "The Wonder Years: Helping Your Baby and Young Child Successfully Negotiate the Major Developmental Milestones." "As early as 3 months, your baby will be used to having you around and will probably start crying for your attention. Your response will comfort and settle her."

When your baby is around 7 months old, this bond is often so tight that your baby may become fretful when she is separated from Mom or Dad. Known as separation anxiety, this can last anywhere from 10 to 18 months and is considered completely normal. Encouraging her to form other close relationships, with grandparents or a caregiver, will enable her to learn not to rely solely on you for caring and comfort.

When it comes to forging the bond between parent and child, experts say that there's really no one right way to do it.

"I have parents ask me about attachment parenting, where you do things like wear your baby in a sling so that he's close by at all times, or you share the same bed. If that works for you, then I say go for it," says Dr. Altmann. "But babies do just as well when they sleep in their own space or are pushed in a stroller rather than held in a sling to get around."

That said, Dr. Altmann stresses that you don't want to rely on things like exersaucers, baby swings, or bouncy seats to babysit your infant.

"Our lives are so busy, and these things are great if you need to put your child in a safe place for a few minutes while you do a load of laundry or unload the dishwasher. But getting down on the floor and playing with your baby several times a day is one of the best ways to bond and enhance her growth and development."