Parentpedia

What Experts Say

Comforting a baby, whether it be by rocking, singing softly, or nursing, involves responding to a baby's needs in a way that works for the particular baby. While most infants are calm for the first two weeks of life (until they wake up, beware!), some shriek inconsolably at birth and spend their first few months of life exercising their lungs and their parents' patience. The good news is that even the feistiest (okay, fussiest) baby will usually outgrow it by his first birthday, and often it's the challenging babies who become easygoing toddlers.

A popular 1928 book by behaviorist psychologist John B. Watson cautioned that comforting was dangerous to children, "Never hug and kiss them, never let them sit on your lap," Watson wrote.

Today research has shown (and experts from all sides of the spectrum agree) that it is not possible to spoil an infant by comforting him and responding to his needs. In fact, infants who are responded to quickly, especially in their first months, actually cry less than those who are not comforted in a timely manner.

One cross-cultural study conducted by researchers at Harvard Medical School's Department of Psychiatry examined the effect of separation on an infant's brain and concluded that children need touching and affection, arguing that physical contact and reassurance actually make children more independent in the long run.

Dr. T. Berry Brazelton believes that comforting an infant involves learning to interpret and respond to his cries.

How to Comfort a Baby

• Respond Quickly. However you ultimately comfort your baby, it's important to respond when your child cries. It teaches him that he will be listened to and taken care of, and that he can trust you as a parent. It may be that he needs to be picked up from the crib (after all, we all like company) or that he's hungry (newborns go through sometimes unpredictable growth spurts and can become ravenous even though it's not "on schedule"). Check that his diaper's dry (the act of diaper changing can be a deep comfort) and that he's not too hot or too cold. If your baby is shrieking (and isn't usually a screamer), a tag from his clothing or an errant pin in that fancy little dress may be the culprit.
• Go Outside. Sometimes a fussy baby needs a change of scene and being outside, surrounded by interesting sights and smells, often works when nothing else will. Studies show that humans, who have spent over 99% of our evolutionary history in hunter-gatherer groups that have direct daily contact with nature, actually feel less stress and more well being when we're outside.
• Try Humming. Your baby doesn't care if you're tone deaf but he is hard-wired to be comforted by the sound of your voice. White noise or soft music can also help a fussy baby.
• Ask for Help. Sometimes the best thing you can do to comfort your baby is to pass him to a calmer adult. When grandma takes your baby for a walk, it's your turn for some pampering. Forget the laundry. Take a nap, make yourself a cup of tea, read, or do something else to comfort yourself.