Advice History

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Are there physical differences (other than the obvious)?

There is a lot of controversy about circumcision.  Different parents will offer advice that is completely different from each other, and even when they have opposite opinions they have very strong opinions and explanations for what they believe.

For example, some parents might tell you that there is no emotional scarring or residual pain that is felt by the boy that undergoes this procedure.  It is likely you will meet some men who don't seem to care or feel a thing about having been circumcised.  But there are also some men today who do feel harmed and do feel emotional and sometimes physical pain in thier lives today from having this surgury to remove some of their intimate parts.

Some parents might also tell you that a man's body works and feels "exactly the same" either way even though it just "looks different".  But in reality of course there are physical consequences.  Some adult men who have first-hand experience with this procedure feel that there are very big differences and even negative physical consequences..

Depending on who you listen to, you might only hear the opinions of the people who are louder in expressing their ideas.

Should dads have more say?

Sometimes women are more sensitive to circumcision as an issue as opposed to fathers who are themselves circumcised. Women, understandably, do not want their babies to be harmed in any way. Men who are circumcised generally want their sons to look like them and think that there is no emotional scarring or residual pain that the child will feel as he grows up due to this life-changing procedure. It is important for couples to discuss the decision together.

What's so wrong about wanting him to look like me?

The idea that a boy "should look like his dad" is one of the most common rationales for circumcision, but also one of the least examined.   For example, if a dad is injured in a car wreck, he will not want the same thing for his son just so that his son "looks like me."

"He should look like me" is probably closer to "I want him to look like me," which means one man is making a decision about another [future] man's penis based primarily on his own preferences and opinions, not on the identified best interests of his son.

In fact, dads also frequently cite some of those "best interests" when deciding to have their sons circumcised.  Some argue about peer-pressure and even argue that being circumcised will improve their sons' romantic prospects, because it's "what women prefer".    These ideas also should be examined more deeply by parents.  For example, parents might not want their kids to smoke and they try to teach their kids to resist peer pressure to smoke, but will go ahead and have their son's intimate parts partially removed due to fears of "future peer pressure."

These types of peer pressure and social issues might need to be weighed against the decision to destroy part of the son's intimate parts. 

Can a man become "uncircumcised" when he's older?

If your son does become unhappy with having been circumcised when he is an adult, he can then as an adult explore some approaches to partial repair of his intimate parts.  These approaches can take years of his life to complete and sometimes multiple sugeries, but none of these approaches work completely and some of your son's body will remain destroyed for the rest of his life. 

In spite of controbersy among different parents one things is certain: there is no known way to completely restore your son's intimate parts to wholeness once his body has been circumcised.

While it is probably the furthest thing from their minds when they bring a newborn baby home, their decision will have an impact on their son's sexual activitiy and life way down the road.