Parentpedia

What Experts Say^*

Most moms-to-be dream about life with baby, with these dreams showcasing an "easy" baby who sleeps a lot, only cries briefly when hungry, and nurses contentedly. If you have a high-need baby, this idealized baby is not yours!

"Fussy babies tend to be fussy feeders. They often resist scheduling, like to feed during the night, and are sensitive to certain foods ... Breastfeeding is clearly better for fussy babies -- and their mothers ... A mother may be tempted to consider breastfeeding a high-need baby too draining or too demanding," writes William Sears, MD, author of Keys to Calming the Fussy Baby. "Although the mother of a fussy baby is constantly giving, giving, giving, the baby 'gives' back to her a hormone, prolactin. This is a 'perseverance' hormone that gives mothers an added boost during those trying times."

Nurturing Tips

Accept your baby's unique personality.
High-need babies' temperaments seem to be born, and not made, so don't blame yourself. Some babies (and even adults) are just more sensitive, fussier, and intense than others.

Wear your baby.
High need babies are referred to as "Velcro babies" for a reason! Wearing your baby in a sling and allowing lots of skin-to-skin during the day has been found to result in less fussy and wakeful babies at night. Baby wearing provides everything a fussy baby needs -- warmth, rhythmic motion, soothing sounds (your heart and your voice), and of course, your loving touch and your milk. And wearing your baby also helps you to feel closer and more loving toward your sometimes challenging baby.

Set up a nursing nest.
Since you may be nursing a lot, it's important to establish an area where you are comfortable and have everything you need within easy reach. It's probably best to set this area up in the place where you and your family spend the most time. Think of nursing in a new way; it's a time for you to kick back and enjoy the relaxing effect of those breastfeeding hormones! Begin to enjoy this special time with your baby.

Encourage your baby's sleep.
We all want our babies to let us get a good stretch of sleep at night. This can be a challenge with a high-need baby. Here are some time-tested ways to encourage nighttime sleep:

• Encourage frequent feeds during the day. With a bit of luck, more frequent daytime feeds can mean more sleep at night.
• Nursing helps both you and your baby easily drift off to sleep.
• Get really adept at nursing while lying down so you can get some extra rest.
• Grab sleep when you can, napping when your baby naps during the day.
• Plan for a calm evening. Stick to soothing evening rituals to help both you and your high-need baby unwind after a long day.

These additional tips can also help your little one nod off or get back to sleep:

• Sleep with your baby.
• Rock your baby.
• Take your little one for a ride in the car.
• Carry your baby in a sling and gently lie her down once she falls asleep.
• Gently warm the area where you'll be lying your baby down.
• If your baby wakes to nurse at night, keep the feed very low key. Use a nightlight or a dimmed light. Don't change her diaper unless you need to. When a diaper needs changing, do it in the middle of the feed, so nursing will help put your little one back to sleep.

Take care of yourself.
It's especially important not to neglect your own needs when you have a high-need baby. Taking even a little time for yourself can work wonders.

• If you can, get some help around the house so you can focus on your little one.
• Eat well. Prepare some healthy snacks ahead of time so you won't have to go to any trouble when you're hungry.
• Spend some time out in the sun, perhaps taking your baby for a walk (which combines the benefits of both light and exercise.)
• Establish a strong support system. Get together with your friends. If you'd like to meet other nursing moms, attend a La Leche League meeting. You'll probably meet other moms with fussy babies!
• Start a list of ways that you can simplify your life.
• Rest when your baby rests.
• This is a mantra we've all heard, but please take it to heart. The house can wait.

Remember that "this too shall pass."
Though mothering a high-need baby can be very intense, your baby won't always be as challenging as she is now. You've heard it said a million times, but take one day at a time, and work each day on balancing your needs with the needs of your baby and the rest of your family.

Safety Note

• If your baby cries inconsolably, it is very important that she be seen by the pediatrician to rule out any underlying medical condition.
• If you sleep with your baby, be sure you are using a firm mattress, with tight fitting bedding and light blankets, and no space between the bed and headboard or the adjoining wall. Your baby should not sleep on her stomach, and all loose pillows and soft blankets should be away from your baby's face.
• If you or your partner smoke, or have used drugs, or had too much to drink, do not sleep with your baby.