Seven Biggest Discipline Mistakes
So you're trying to make your child quit bullying – or lying or cheating or defying you or "talking back" – and you're having little success. You've tried threatening, scolding and even begging, but nothing seems to work. Frankly, you're at your wit's end. How can you ensure that your child stops his bad behavior for good? The first thing you must do is re-think your approach to discipline.
Behavior is learned, so it can be unlearned. Parents need a specific makeover plan designed to half their kids' bad behavior. But before you can implement such a plan, you must first understand what you're doing wrong – and why it's wrong.
Discipline Don'ts
Here are 7 common discipline mistakes parents make:
1. Thinking "It's just a phase."
Bad behaviors don't go away. They almost always need parental intervention. The
longer parents wait, the more likely the behavior will become a habit. So don't
call it a phase: Stop the bad behavior as soon as it starts.
2. Being a poor behavior model.
Our behavior has an enormous influence on our kids' behavior. After all, what
they see is what they copy. So before parents start planning to change their kid's
behavior, they need to take a serious look at their own.
3. Not targeting the bad behavior.
It's best to work on improving only one – and never more than two – behaviors
at a time. And the more specific the plan the better. Don't say, "He's not behaving."
Instead, narrow the focus to target the specific behavior you want to eliminate:
"He's talking back." And the makeover will be more successful.
4. No plan to stop the bad behavior.
Once parents have identified the bad behavior, they need a solid makeover plan
to stop it. The plan must (1) address the kid's bad behavior, (2) state exactly
how to correct it, (3) identify the new behavior to replace it and (4) have a
set consequence if the bad behavior continues.
5. Not teaching a substitute behavior.
No behavior will change permanently unless the child is taught a new behavior
to replace it. Think about it: If you tell a kid to stop doing one behavior, what
will he do instead? Without a substitute behavior, chances are the child will
revert to using the old misbehavior.
6. Going alone.
Big mistake! After all if your kid is using the bad behavior on other caregivers
– be it your spouse, grandparents, teachers, daycare providers, coaches, scout
leaders, babysitters – then use the same makeover plan together. The more you
work together, the quicker you'll be in stopping the problem behavior.
7. Not sticking to the plan long enough.
Learning new behavior habits generally takes a minimum of 21 days of repetition.
Parents need to commit to changing the bad behavior and then continue using the
plan for at least three weeks. Only then will they see change.
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