Communication About Bedwetting
Each night, millions of kids wet the bed. Each morning, many of them wake up feeling alone and embarrassed. The rest roll up their sheets, toss them in the laundry and get on with their days.
How can you help your child become one of those who accepts the problem, handles it and moves on? The best way is through open, honest communication.
The first step toward open communication is understanding and acknowledging that bedwetting, also called enuresis, is not a willful behavior on the child's part. Renee Mercer, MSN, certified pediatric nurse practitioner at Enuresis Associates in Maryland, stresses that wetting is not something a child can control. If he could, he would. "No child would rather wake up wet than dry," she says.
The Initial Conversation
When you first discuss the condition with your child, be sure to remain calm and upbeat. Explain that some people have a hard time learning to ride a bike, some have trouble swimming and others have difficulty staying dry at night. Emphasize that it doesn't mean there's something wrong with him; it's just a fact of life.
Also share with your child that he is not alone. Nearly seven million American children wet the bed. Movie stars, musicians and even sports stars may have experienced enuresis as children.
Even closer-to-home heroes have experienced the condition. Recent statistics demonstrate that about 85 percent of children with enuresis have a relative who had it. About half of them have a parent or sibling with the condition. Arrange a time when your child can talk to an adult who has lived through the problem. If you don't know anyone, ask your doctor or call an enuresis clinic to find someone in your area.
"Realizing that I was not alone made all the difference to me," says Rich, an FBI employee who wet the bed as a child. "My mother told me that two of my uncles and my grandmother used to wet. She said they outgrew it, and so would I." This information helped him accept the condition and wait it out.
In addition to explaining the situation, you should work with your child to develop a plan of action. According to Dr. Sandra Hassink, a Delaware pediatrician, teamwork is key. "If there is to be success, family support and positive reinforcement are vital," she says. A sample plan might have the child responsible for removing the soiled sheets and remaking the bed, while the parent is in charge of doing the wash. "This is not a punishment!" says Dr. Hassink. "Rather, children will often feel better by helping with the clean-up process."
Finally, let your child know that you are there for him if he wants or needs to talk. Enuresis can be a very embarrassing condition. Having a loving and supportive ear can make a big difference in how your child reacts to the problem. "The more open you can be about it, the less apt you are to find smelly clothes tucked into the corner of the closet," Mercer says.
If you choose to enlist the aid of helpful bedwetting products such as disposable absorbent underpants, it is best to not draw a lot of attention to them. For example, underpants – white, nondescript disposable undergarments – are made to look like regular underwear and should be treated as such. By placing them in a child's underwear drawer and noting that they are the underpants to be worn at night, this can help the child's self-esteem – especially when he wakes up dry.
The Family Conversation
Depending on your family dynamics, you may want to discuss the situation with your other children. "Often siblings do get an inclination that maybe one of the children is wetting, even if you don't discuss it with them," says Mercer.
A family conversation will help your other children understand that bedwetting is a medical condition, and not the fault of the wetting child. Getting it out in the open can help remove the stigma and shame the affected child might feel if he were to keep it a secret.
This is also a good time to explain any treatment program the bedwetting child is involved in. After the discussion, it is important to stress that the information shared must stay in the family. It should never be brought up to the child's friends. Parents should also enforce a no-teasing policy about the child's enuresis – even in the midst of heated arguments between siblings.
After the initial and family conversations, other enuresis discussions should be initiated by your child. "Be open to listen whenever your child wants to talk," says Mercer. Don't single him out or treat him differently than the other children in your house. For example, don't greet him in the morning with "Were you wet last night?" Instead, ask him what he wants for breakfast. By not focusing on the problem, you will help your child realize that he is much more than a bedwetter.
Talk with your child about his enuresis and, more importantly, listen to him. By doing so, you will give him the opportunity to acknowledge and accept his condition. Then he can get on with his life.