The best way to combat bullying, says the mother whose child was the victim of this bully, is having a school community where the message is clear: Bullying simply is not tolerated.
Teachers, students and administrators are all very aware of the policy. If an incident occurs, the teachers respond immediately. The students know that the behavior is unacceptable, that there are trusted adults they can confide in and that there will be consequences.
Debra Chasnoff, a San Francisco-based filmmaker who has produced a video for schools in which bullies and the bullied tell their stories, advocates a kinder, gentler approach. "Just focusing on tough discipline isn't enough. Schools should place a priority on building community. Teachers who can get kids to know and trust each other, to empathize with each other, will have fewer problems in the classroom and on the playground. You are less likely to turn on someone you know as a fellow human being." What Are the Signs That My Child Is Being Bullied?Look for:
- Torn clothing
- A loss of appetite
- Lack of desire to go to school
- Mood changes
Look for:
- Impulsive behavior
- A desire to always be in control
- Showing little or no empathy for others
What Are the Long-Term Effects of Bullying?Melissa Smith, a California mother, recounts what can happen when bullying is not stopped. Her son was the victim of a gang of five elementary school bullies who continually verbally abused him. For four months her son tried to ignore them and always walked away. Finally, the gang left him alone. But her son continues to suffer from a lack of self-esteem, has had trouble making friends, and years after the bullying incident, is now in counseling. Bullying, commonly thought to be a problem for boys, is just as prevalent among girls. It often takes the form of intentional verbal abuse or malicious gossip by several girls ganging up on one girl. Jessica, an overweight sixth grader in Canada, recounts the torment of being continually teased by three girls she previously considered her best friends: "How many times do you feel so bad that you want to change schools, leave all the actual friends that you do have or just lock yourself in a room forever?" she asks as she recounts her story of being bullied. Characteristics of Bullies
- Tend to have problems at home
- May be the victim of aggressive behavior or abuse at home
- Receive inconsistent discipline and/or poor supervision at home
- Tend to be aggressive, self-confident and lacking in empathy
- Tend to be quiet, passive children who don't have many friends
- Tend to be smaller in size and/or physically weaker than the bully
The problem of bullying is widespread and is often cited as a contributing factor in the recent cases of school shootings. According to the National Resource Center for Safe Schools in Portland, Oregon, 30% of American children are regularly involved in bullying, either as bullies or victims, and approximately 15% are "severely traumatized or distressed" as a result of encounters with bullies. Researchers agree that children who bully in childhood are more likely to become violent adults and engage in criminal behavior; victims of bullies often suffer from anxiety, low self-esteem and depression as they grow into adulthood. When Is It Teasing and When Is It Bullying?One of the common myths about bullying is that it is just a normal part of childhood. Everyone gets teased now and then without a great deal of harm, but bullying, characterized by repeated, intentionally hurtful acts, can have long-term consequences for the bully and the victim. These acts can be physical, verbal, emotional or sexual, and there is generally an imbalance of power between the bully and the victim. Statistics on Bullying
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