Weaning the Older Child
Weaning an older child who isn't ready can be a real challenge. You should not feel guilty if you decide to wean your toddler, because only you know when the time is right for you and your family. For example, you may be pregnant again, and while that in and of itself is not a reason to wean, your nipples may be so sore that you are gritting your teeth and not enjoying nursing your toddler AT ALL. He may begin to pick up on your feelings of resentment, and it may be time to wean.

Weaning an older baby doesn't have to be traumatic, although it may not be easy. Here are some tips:

• If possible, allow several weeks of concentrated time and attention to the process of weaning. Any baby who has nursed for a year or more is obviously really into it, and isn't likely to give it up easily.
• Don't offer, but don't refuse. Nurse him only when he is really adamant about it, but don't offer to nurse at other times.
• Make sure that you offer regular meals, snacks and drinks to minimize hunger and thirst. Remember also that babies nurse for reasons besides hunger, including comfort, boredom and to fall asleep.
• Try to change your daily routine to minimize situations where he wants to nurse. Does he want to nurse when he is bored? Try distracting him with a snack or a walk outside. Do you usually lie down with him at naptime? Try reading him a book or rocking him instead.
• If Dad is around, encourage him to take an active role in weaning. Have Dad try to put him back to sleep if he wakes during the night. If he nurses first thing in the morning, try letting Dad get him up instead of you and feed him breakfast.
• Watch his preferences and respect them. If he is having a really hard time giving up the first thing in the morning nursing, you may want to continue that one for a while rather than force the issue.
• With older toddlers (two years plus) you can begin by setting limits on nursing. For example, you can say "We'll nurse when we get home, but not at the mall." Substitute nursing on demand for nursing at your convenience.
• Shorten the duration of any given feeding. Say "That's enough, now." and gently remove the breast from his mouth.

In summary: weaning is a process that begins as soon as you introduce other foods into your baby's diet. (This comes in handy when someone asks you if you have started weaning him yet - you can truthfully answer "yes"). Babies wean at different ages, just as they get teeth at different ages. When you wean your baby is a decision for you to make, ideally based on signs of developmental readiness. Breastfeeding provides benefits for both you and your baby no matter how long you nurse. Gradual weaning is always better than abrupt weaning, although there are times when this just isn't possible.

If you and your child both enjoy nursing, and your only reason for weaning is that you are under pressure from other people who think you should, then you need to look further for outside support of your decision to continue nursing. If you no longer enjoy nursing, or if there are legitimate pressing reasons for you to wean, you should do it and feel good about the time you did nurse, without feeling guilty about what might have been.

On a personal note: I have nursed six children. The first three weaned themselves before they were a year old. I was a La Leche League leader at the time, and all my friends were nursing their toddlers. I couldn't believe my babies were doing that to me - I was willing to nurse them till they went to college, but there was absolutely no way to convince them to keep nursing. Even withholding food didn't work. My experience with my next three babies reminded me of the old adage "Be careful what you wish for," because they all wanted to nurse between 2 1/2 and 4 1/2 years. I practically had to pry them off with a crowbar.

It was interesting to me that the early weaners were all thumb-suckers and blanket holders, while the late weaners were never self-soothers, but used the breast for comfort as well as nutrition. All were breastfed on demand from day one, so I can only assume that individual differences accounted for the different weaning experiences.