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Ideas for Quality Time

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The Father-Child Bond

By Ron Huxley, LMFT

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Is quality time better than the amount of time you spend with your children? Ron Huxley, marriage and family therapist, discusses the importance of dads bonding with their children right from the start.

Quality Time
One of the most magical moments of my life was being at the birth of my child. I wouldn't have missed it for the world. I remember watching him squirm and cry as he met the world. I remember how he paused to listen to my voice as I whispered my love for him and commitment to him. To this day, spending time with my kids continues to be one of my favorite activities. To not spend time with my children is unfathomable.

For many fathers, this isn't the case. They sit in hospital waiting rooms, clapping each other on the back and congratulating one another on a job well done, while their child enters the world without their father next to them. The day after the delivery and every day after are filled with missed opportunities to bond with their child and influence the directions they will take in life. They rationalize that they are sacrificing for their family by working long hours and justify their emotional distance as modeling how to survive in the "cold, cruel world." Food on the table and a roof over head is nice but nothing makes up for loving, nurturing relationships with one's father.

How Do Fathers Build This Bond?
What barriers stand in the way? And, what are some practical tools to help fathers strengthen their children intellectually, emotionally, spiritually and physically? To help me answer these questions, I asked for advice from dads who have a close bond with their children. How do I know they have a close bond? I asked their wives!

How Do You Bond with Your Child?
In response to this question, all of the fathers answered alike. They stated that the best way to bond was simply to spend time with a child. What you do is not as important as doing something.

They divided activities up into four main areas: Physical, Intellectual, Social and Spiritual. A balance of these four areas would result in a child having a happier, healthier life. Physical activities are the most familiar to fathers and include working around the house together, sharing a hobby, coaching an athletic team, exercising together and going places together.

Intellectual activities focus on being involved in a child's academics, participating in school-related activities, encouraging hard work and modeling yourself as their primary teacher of life. Social activities are centered on talking with children, sharing feelings and thoughts, demonstrating appropriate affection and manners, and getting to know your child's friends.

Spiritual activities are used the least by dads but have the most power to influence a child. These activities incorporate reading spiritual stories together, going to church or the synagogue, praying with children, establishing rules and order, being consistent and available, and exploring the mysteries of nature.