It's hard to find a woman who has not, at one time or another, felt frustrated by her mate's parenting style. New moms often exchange more war stories about their husband's approach than the number of diapers they changed in the last 24 hours or how much sleep they are (not) getting. Nonetheless, while men are often more aware of who's about to score a touchdown than who's crying, more interested in how to edge their lawn than how to match pint-size pants with shirts, there are areas in which their style can prove quite valuable as new parents make the transition from a couple to a family.
General coping
Mothers worry. It comes with the job. However, women often
approach parenting as though Perfectionism Required is the
first item listed in the job description, and that increases
the worrying and anxiety tenfold. I will admit that there was a
day when I became so tense over the chaos in my home that I
actually paged my husband with a 9-1-1 simply because I felt I
needed to contact him immediately to let him know that it was
unacceptable not to replace the toilet paper after he used the
last of it.
His response: "I don't understand what the big deal is. It's in the linen closet." Sure, but the linen closet is upstairs and I'm already on the toilet! If you can believe it (and I'm sure you can), he then matter-of-factly suggested I store the toilet paper somewhere different in the future - as if it's storage location is the problem.
The "roll with it" attitude that men often maintain frustrates their other half from time to time. A woman's more anxious, emotional approach can make her mate a bit crazy as well. In our defense however, someone has to maintain a nervous system that is able to execute the escape plan with calm hysteria and a strategically stored whistle if the house is on fire. Nancy Drew said it best: "If worry were an effective weight-loss program, women would be invisible."
As much as it pains me to admit it, there seems to be at least some merit in the male approach as it appears to allow one to maintain an emotional state with peaks and valleys far less dramatic than those of the newest roller coaster at Six Flags. So, as long as there are at least two diapers in the house and the collection agencies aren't calling, I personally am trying to let more things than usual slide off my back in the high strung department.
Traffic control
Men seem to have cornered the market on strategies for
appeasing every would-be visitor of a new baby. They are able
to coordinate the endless stream of well-wishers while keeping
a smile on their faces and a proud swing in their steps.
Women, however, often sit on the couch worrying about who will show up next (and when), if she'll still be in her pajamas, if she'll have a breast hanging out when they arrive, if they'll be dumb enough to ring the doorbell and awaken the baby she just got to sleep, or if they'll notice the path of dirty laundry from the steps to the laundry room.
One of the biggest benefits of a man's laid back attitude is that he's not likely to argue with your needs, especially when he knows your hormones are raging and he therefore barely recognizes you anyway. (Frankly, I don't see anything wrong with telling your husband that your hormones are raging for one reason or another every day for the rest of your life.)
Inform your other half early on of the ground rules with regard to visitors. If you would prefer that no one come over before 11 AM, or if Saturday and Sunday are the only days on which you are willing to accept visitors at any point in time, communicate that. If you feel that you need an hour's or a day's notice, mention that as well. Let him worry about the details of who's coming when (and what delicious dinner item they are bringing).
Remember, if at any point visitors are expected and you suddenly feel you cannot entertain them, you have the perfect excuse to stay in bed. They need not know you've got a great magazine and a newly rented movie in there with you!
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