You're right: as a mother, you disappeared off the radar of the healthcare system after your final postpartum appointment and whether you had a child became medically irrelevant. At the National Institute of Health or the Centers for Disease Control, there's zero attention to the long-term health and well-being of mothers. Few psychology graduate schools teach anything about how to help women with the unique and chronic stresses of raising a family, or how to help couples with kids be strong teammates while preserving an intimate friendship.

In the culture as a whole, a positive sign is a growing willingness to help with postpartum depression and with the longer-term challenges of bearning and rearing children. Nonetheless, mothers still get routinely told that their weariness, blue mood, and out-of-whack bodies are "just in your head, get over it." There's guilt and shame about not being able to live up to models in the media of the woman who can work full-time, have cute and well-mannered kids, stay trim and fit, and have a shiny clean kitchen sink. With the common lack of support for childrearing at many levels - from fathers, from extended family, and from government policies - many mothers feel torn between giving their children the very best and giving their occupation/career the very best . . . . and few are entirely happy with whatever compromise they end up making.

Adding insult to injury, a lot of this gets internalized within mothers, making them feel weak or guilty about doing "selfish" things for themselves, asking for help, or insisting that others pull their fair share of the weight.

It all starts with motivation
It will probably be a long time before much changes at the level of government policies or culture. And in our experience, to be blunt, many fathers do not just wake up one day and see the light on their own. Consequently, it is usually up to the mother to take a big breath, stand up, and assert why it's right and proper for her to get appropriate attention, support, and care. Those good reasons are motivating for her and for others - and that's where everything starts in life: with our intentions.

So please take a look at the box for our list of ten good reasons to support mothers. They're all based on solid experience, research, and ethical reasoning. There's no special treatment here: if men were the ones having babies, the same list would apply to them. And feel free to add reasons of your own!

In conclusion
Mothers get stressed and depleted over time through the accumulation of a thousand little things. Therefore, it is through doing little things each day that are good for you that you accumulate a growing pile of positive resources for your health, well-being, strong teamwork, and lasting love.

10 reasons to take good care of a mother
These are worth knowing for a mother herself, and for anyone who knows her.

1. She's a person - Every human being deserves a chance to be happy and healthy.

2. Her cupboard was already pretty bare - Before their first pregnancy, most mothers don't consume all the recommended vitamins and minerals. Those shelves need re-stocking.

3. Her body's carried a big load - Taken as a whole, pregnancy, childbirth, nursing, and weaning are the most physically demanding activities most people will ever do. Big outputs require big inputs.

4. She does hard work - Studies show that raising young children is more stressful than most jobs. Any kind of demanding work calls for respite and replenishment.

5. She contributes to others - Mothers get worn out not because they've been eating bon-bons, but because every day, for twenty years or more, they've been making a family for innocent and precious children. Their giving gives them moral standing, a valid claim on society's care.

6. It's good for the children - A mother's well-being affects her children in a thousand ways, shaping the the lifetime course of a human life. The best way to take good care of children is to take good care of mothers.

7. It's good for her partner - A mother is much more able to be even-tempered, affectionate, and loving when her mate is an active co-parent, shares the load fairly, and is just plain nice. It's enlightened self-interest for a mother's partner to take good care of her.

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