Rites of Passage in Adolescence
Until we can create better transitions for adolescents, we
need to find creative ways to deal with the rituals they've
created for themselves. It is important to realize that even if
we give them positive choices, they may sometimes opt to do
something dangerous instead. We must be prepared to deal with
this eventuality by allowing them to suffer the consequences of
their actions. Much as we want to protect our children from
harm and pain, it is a natural part of growing up. We need to
be able to support them and help them learn from the decisions
that they do make.
Journeys
Of course, these behaviors are terrifying to adults, for
good reason. We want to keep our children safe and help them on
the road to being a healthy and happy adult, so we need to
accept the premise that these dangerous behaviors are the
rituals that adolescents have consciously chosen for themselves
in our society's lack of natural passageways. David Oldfield,
Director of the Midway Center for Creative Imagination in
Washington, D.C. has come up with a program called "The
Journey," which targets today's teenagers and in recognizing
their need to separate from their parents, and to strive for
independence, seeks ways in which to outfit our children with
the tools they need to negotiate the perils and challenges of
becoming an adult in today's world.
In "The Journey," Oldfield recognizes a connection between the adolescent journey and the mythological adventure. He realizes that adolescents have always had to take this journey. He says that adolescence is "the myth of the 'Hero's Journey'". "The adolescent hero must strive towards distinction, rise above obstacles, overcome trials and temptations, quest after the great treasures life has hidden away." This is something I have seen time and time again with teens. They have a need to prove themselves, which is totally natural and something that we should encourage. It is important though, that we as parents give them a positive choice in how they "journey" rather than allow them only the default choices of our society: drugs, sex, or violence.
In Oldfield's work, he teaches adolescents to face the
trials of the passageway into adulthood by working with a small
group of their peers to discover their inner strength. Using
guided imagery, story telling, and encouraging parents to share
their own adolescence, "The Journey" gives teens a model to
base their growth on. They define who they are, what they want
to be, and how they're going to get there. They do it with
other adolescents, so they don't feel foolish being open about
their dreams, fears and expectations. I believe that families,
by having open communication, sharing their lives with their
teenagers, and helping children find out who they are and have
faith in themselves, parents can help their children create
their own journey.
Strength of families
The rites of passage between adolescence and adulthood
are internal, not external. What we are seeing is that children
today are looking to the world around them for external models
and means of becoming an adult. The truth is, adolescents need
to look inside themselves and use their strength to think about
and make healthy choices. As parents, we can creatively guide
their desire to mature by coming up with our own "journey" that
works for your child and your family.
The world is a scary place for families today, but that doesn't mean we've lost the battle. Our children naturally want to separate from us, but we can show them how to do it without using drugs or wearing the hippest clothes. Our strength as a family comes from inside, and if we model this for our children, they will emulate it. In a world where there are no natural rites of passage, we must create our own. I believe that we must do this in order to protect and guide our children in a world that doesn't have time for them. This is our chance to make a difference.
About the author: Kelly Kilmer is a freelance writer specializing in parenting and health issues. She is the mother of two daughters and resides in central Pennsylvania. Kelly has written articles for various online and print forums including Moms Online and Minnesota Parent . She can be reached via email at thrisk@mindspring.com.
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Member Comments On...
Rites of Passage in Adolescence
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Thank you for sharing the fact that the answers lie "inside" the adolescent. The family values and morals and wisdom are all there (hopefully) from a strong family. Now I just have to TRUST them to take the time to access and use it all!
