Rites of Passage in Adolescence
Every day, it seems, someone says teenagers are so different than they used to be. We hear about drug and alcohol use, violence, disrespect, and a myriad of other ills that are affecting our adolescents, including low self-esteem, anger, depression, and family problems. But it seems that little is said about how to create a positive transition from adolescence to adulthood. Here are some ideas for parents.
Safe transitions
It is obvious that being a teenager is very different
these days than it was even five or 10 years ago, and that the
world is a much more dangerous place to grow up in than it ever
has been in the past. In my work with adolescent foster
children and with homeless adolescents, I have seen that
teenagers don't have any way in which to make a safe transition
to adulthood. In losing the wealth of experience that came with
being exposed to extended families and neighbors, children are
no longer able to obtain guidance from the adults in their life
consistently. In the "old days" when children hit puberty, they
moved into apprenticeships with adults who taught them a trade,
and along the way, these teachers were able to pass along
insights into healthy ways to develop a code of ethics about
work, money, family, and friendships. Adults taught children
about values, and how to think critically about what values
would be important as they moved into adulthood.
Today, teens are in school most of the day, then in sports
or activities for most of the evening. By the time they get
home, they have time to eat dinner, do their homework, watch
some TV, and go to bed. There is not a lot of time in today's
society for parents to spend quality time with their children,
teaching them about values, work, or how to make good choices.
This is not the fault of parents, who do their best to model
responsible decision making, work ethic, healthy communication,
and spend as much time as they can with their children. It is
the fault of American society, in which money and status have
become the most important things that teens have to strive for.
Adolescents are bombarded with advertisements on TV and in
magazines, and they have to cope with enormous peer pressure to
drink, use drugs, wear the best clothes, have a cellular phone
or beeper, and to work many hours a week to earn money for
these material things that they then no longer have time to
enjoy.
Lacking rituals
These are the things that are American parents are
struggling with today. There is no room in our "Information
Age" to give teens a rite of a passage from adolescence to
being an adult. The only concrete thing that teens have to look
forward to these days is getting their drivers license. This is
a far cry from when children had many rites of passage to ease
their journey into adulthood. Instead of the tribal rites of
passage of Africa, or the apprenticeships of early America, we
have a glaring lack of rituals to safely lead our teens into
healthy adulthood.
In my experience, it is the lack of these rituals that has led our youth into drugs, sex, and violence. How else can they prove their strength and independence in the 90's except to experience the thrill of drug experimentation, having illicit sex, and carrying a gun? What rituals are we giving adolescents that allow them to safely separate from their parents and prove themselves ready to don the mantle of being a grown-up? Remember what a big deal your baby's first birthday was? It is important to frequently find something to celebrate, be it your daughter's first menstruation, passing the school year, making a new friend, or your son's successful trombone recital. In taking advantage of everyday accomplishments, and celebrating them as a ceremony of growth, we can easily find ways to create positive rituals on an almost daily basis.
In my work with homeless teens, I have tried hard to combat the disrespect and rule-breaking by allowing natural consequences to happen wherever possible. If a teen goes out and get drunk or high, and cannot get up for work the next day, the consequence is to possibly lose their job. If I address the behavior associated with drinking and the consequences that follow, rather than the drinking itself, I have a much better chance of getting a teen to see cause and effect. I really don't believe that I can stop teens from doing drugs, having sex, and engaging in dangerous behavior. These are the only natural rites of passage that are available to today's youth.
© Copyright 2003-11 SheKnows, LLC and/or individual copyright holders. All Rights Reserved.
Member Comments On...
Rites of Passage in Adolescence
2 |
Thank you for sharing the fact that the answers lie "inside" the adolescent. The family values and morals and wisdom are all there (hopefully) from a strong family. Now I just have to TRUST them to take the time to access and use it all!
