Betwixt and Between: Middle Schoolers Home Alone

By Anita Biase

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Many young teens stay home alone after school. This is not a new situation. Mothers have worked outside the home for decades. Parents are concerned but feel they have few alternatives. Middle school kids are too old for babysitters, and although most communities have after-school programs and community centers, some are too costly, and many teens do not want to participate in an organized program after a long day at school. Still, preparation is critical and there are many things to consider if you are thinking about allowing your child to remain home alone after school.

How old is old enough?
How old should your youngster be before he or she is allowed to stay home alone? Steve Wagoner, spokesperson for a team of youth development experts at the University of Illinois, says it depends more on the child's level of maturity than his chronological age.

Jean Piaget, a traditional theorist on the stages of child development, says children age 12 to 16 are capable of cognitive problem solving and decision-making.

You will have to assess your child's level of readiness and decide if he or she is capable of self-care. For example, has the child shown maturity and responsibility in other ways? How are her grades? Does she generally follow the rules you have set?

State laws
As a general rule of thumb, a school-age child may be left home alone if she has the ability to react safely in an emergency, but in some states, it is an offense to leave a child under a specific age alone. Be sure to check out the laws in your state regarding this issue.

Younger siblings
Another controversial issue is that of leaving younger siblings in the care of teens. "It's okay for teens to watch younger siblings, as long as they're able to assume the responsibility, and that it is an excellent experience and builds strong family relationships, says single dad Hugh Scribner, of Upland, California.

Mom Carol Loosier, of Chula Vista, California, feels that such responsibility should be limited. She says that teens should at most be allowed to watch just one child over the age of two, adding that watching more than one child would be overwhelming for a teen.

Your neighborhood
Is your neighborhood generally safe and relatively crime-free? Is there a responsible adult available in case of an emergency?

Long-term effects
Wagoner says the impact being home alone has on the child depends on many variables, and especially on the child in question. "If they are truly developmentally ready for the experience, then it seems logical to me that the child's sense of independence might be enhanced. If they are not yet ready or if they have a bad experience being left alone, though, it could have the opposite effect," he says. "As for feelings of security, if the child knows procedures they should follow when answering the phone, answering the door, using the Internet safely, and using the telephone in times of emergency, they may be able to make it through the experience feeling secure. It's a hard call that should be based on a child-by-child basis."

Scribner's experience was a very positive one. He believes that self-care "can contribute much to learning how to look after one's self as preparation for ultimately leaving the nest."

Though mom Susan Carpenter, an attorney in San Antonio, Texas, agrees the effects may ultimately encourage independence, she stresses that middle school-age kids should not be left home alone too often. "If too much, feelings of insecurity can become a problem. Also, supervision is necessary because kids are so curious and might make impulsive decisions related to immaturity."

Home safety
Make your home as safe as possible. Be sure your smoke alarms work, have fire extinguishers readily available and ensure your kids know how to use them. If possible, install a caller ID or telephone answering machine so your child can easily identify callers. Instruct your child not to let anyone know he or she is home alone. Your teen should be taught to never open the door to a stranger. If possible, install a peephole, so your child can identify the person without opening the door.

The Internet
The Internet provides our children with access to a world of knowledge we couldn't even dream of when we were kids, but children must be monitored. Since parents cannot be with their children all the time, strong rules are an extra. It is necessary to outline rules for Internet surfing. If possible, get a block to keep your child from accessing adult sites on the Internet. Bookmark the sites your child is allowed to surf.