Susan's mother-in-law was ecstatic about the birth of her first grandchild. She had already raised five children of her own and was ready to be a grandmother. Susan was thrilled when her mother-in-law offered to come over the first few weeks after the birth and help out around the house. Susan's thrill soon turned to anger, as her mother-in-law began soliciting unwanted advice about how to properly care for the baby.
According to her, the diaper needed to be changed like this and breastfeeding needed to done like that. No matter what occurred, she had an opinion on how it needed to be done. Everything Susan did seemed to be wrong. Susan also felt these comments were a direct attack on her ability to be a good mother. Due to her emotional and physical fatigue, she felt overwhelmed and irritated by her mother-in-law's constant barrage of advice. Something needed to be done quickly! The only problem was she didn't know how to gently tell her mother-in-law that her advice was appreciated, but not necessary.
All new moms face etiquette-related challenges, more so than experienced mothers or childless women do. Dealing with these etiquette challenges will be easier if you are well-rested and feel in control, and the best way to do this is to take care of yourself. The more tired you are the crankier and more ill-equipped you'll be to deal with rude and inappropriate behavior.
Being a parent is an enormous responsibility and a full-time job. You often feel like you are running on a treadmill that never slows down. If you don't get off that treadmill and give yourself a chance to rest occasionally, you will eventually collapse and break down. Dealing with meddling mother-in-laws is just one of the challenges you may face as a new mother.
Handling Advice
Accept advice from others by saying, "I will take that into
consideration, thank you."
People will always have their opinions. One friend had her baby in a snuggly and a stranger in a store said to her, "Her face is buried in there, she is going to suffocate." My friend simply said, "When she is uncomfortable, believe me, she'll let me know." Use humor to keep things friendly and easy.
Social Visits
You don't have to be present at every visit. Have your
husband/family member host some of the visits and you the
others. When it is their turn, use the time to nap or
relax.
If you are a single mother, don't be afraid to put yourself and your baby first. Without extra help around the house, the last thing you need to worry about is hurting the feelings of others. When time is tight, tell them that today is not a good day for a visit.
When others want to visit, set boundaries. State how long you have when they arrive and stick to it. When the visiting time draws to a close, say, "It's been lovely visiting with you, but I should probably say goodbye and take a nap (or make dinner, etc)." This allows you to enjoy the visit and still stay on schedule.
Dealing with Phone Calls
When people call at a bad time, say "I would love to chat
with you, but it's not a good time." Then state the time that
works better. You can also say, "I've had a long day and have to
do a few things while the baby naps, can I call you back
later?"
If you tell people to "call anytime," they just might do that. Watch what you say.
Copyright 2007 Modern Mom, LLC. All rights reserved.
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