I used to be very caught up in labels: Calvin Klein, Gloria Vanderbilt, Izod. Sure, I was only 12 and brand new to middle school where I quickly learned I was pretty uncool without them. Our 6th grade Queen Bee, Heather, led the way with her fashion credo and stinging criticism that still cause me to cringe to this day. "Look! Lisa finally got a pair of Jordache!" Of course, I eventually grew out of the need to dress to impress, but I find myself once again caught up in labels.
However, this time the labels are different and much more important: ASD, PDD SID. Autism spectrum disorder, pervasive developmental disorder, sensory integration disorder. All words that buzz around the aura of my son. While we thought Jack had officially been diagnosed with Autism, we got a surprise when Jack's paperwork was transferred to his new elementary school. It turns out his evaluation actually says, "Jack demonstrates many characteristics consistent with Autistic Disorder." He was never officially diagnosed with Autism, just that he fell somewhere on the spectrum. So the elementary school wants to have him retested. We believe he falls on the Spectrum, but where? Does he have other issues we don't know about? Processing Disorder issues, or ADD?
I shouldn't worry so much about these labels. Surely, they don't affect how I feel about Jack.
Diagnose him with Sassy Mouth Syndrome, whatever. No matter what the doctors come up with he's still the same little boy who loves Thomas the Tank Engine, loves to torment his sister, but also stands up to people he thinks are hurting her (including the chiropractor, playground bullies and grandma!)
Too Cute Syndrome
But on the other hand, I hate to admit, the labels do affect what I feel I can expect from Jack. It won't change how we feel about Jack, how we treat him or what we're doing for him. It just might release the vise on my heart a little bit. A label of PDD seems to suggest fewer struggles for his future than the Autism diagnosis would. I've been caught up in a statistic that says very few people with Autism ever get married. It breaks my heart to think he may never share his heart with someone else. A different diagnosis might change my expectations. The Autistic Spectrum includes very high functioning children, to those severely touched by the disorder. Where does Jack fall? That's what will be finding out next week when he meets with a developmental pediatrician and other specialists.
Before I had a son with a "label," I never realized the power of it. The conclusions people draw by hearing the words. A friend of the family who just learned of Jack's struggles said "I didn't know there was anything wrong with him." That just makes me cringe. When I think of Jack, I don't think "wrong" or "damaged." I just think different skills, different challenges. I don't want to hear someone say "They're sorry," when they learn about what Jack has been facing.
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