Help Him Find a Variety of Good
Role Models, Both Men and Women
Start with yourself and other moms you know. His respect for
you and other women friends teaches him respect for women. He
learns such qualities as patience by observing patience in you
and others. As his mom, model the kind of strength and heroism
commonly associated with men. Your power, leadership,
determination, and ability to achieve set a strong personal
example for your son. Knowing women he can emulate helps erase
culturally ingrained gender stereotypes.
Boys benefit by having many role models, so whether there's a father at home or not, actively recruit men as friends and role models for your son. In addition to men in the family, look for babysitters, tutors, coaches, and Big Brothers who can play this role. Sports superstars, fictional characters like Harry Potter, and other heroes also give boys a range of men to emulate.
One mom makes sure her 5-year-old son, Cody, interacts with males as much as possible. "When I'm with my brothers-in-law or nephews, [I say], 'You guys, take him to the bathroom,' or 'You guys, go do guy things.'" Strong mothers give their sons a range of models for manhood.
Stay Connected; Learning to
Value Intimacy and Close Relationships Will Help Him Succeed
With a Future Wife or Partner
Don't buy into fear of being too close to your son, no
matter what his age. Closeness and conversation lead to a
natural and lifelong intimacy between mother and son. This
means frequently stepping out of your comfort zone to meet his
needs, including roughhousing and playing with your son any way
you can. Encourage physical and emotional expressions of
affection at home even when he tries to push you away. (In
public allow him any space he requires.) Adapt the ways you
connect with your son to stay close as he grows intellectually,
emotionally and physically.
As he grows, you can help him lead a double-life on the emotional front. If he is standoffish in public, he can still enjoy the mothering he secretly still craves in the privacy of home. Allowing boys to show their soft, vulnerable side with you keeps those emotions alive. As your son grows older, be sure to keep the dialogue open even when you don't agree with his choices.
The deep emotional connection between mothers and sons has been demonized for far too long. Just as your son has inherent "boy power," you have the "mom power" it takes to raise a son who is self-assured and respectful of others. By nurturing his emotional IQ, teaching him to care for others, providing him with positive role models, and staying close to him as he grows up, you can give him what he needs to become a confident, empathic person and an exceptional man.
Copyright © 2006 Peggy Drexler
About ModernMom.com: Modern Mom (www.modernmom.com) features smart and practical advice on topics such as parenting, finances, career, health, wellness, beauty, entertainment and more. Read more about Family & Parenting at http://www.modernmom.com/category/Family
Copyright 2007 Modern Mom, LLC. All rights reserved.
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