onetiredmama: Boy, Oh Boy!
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I come home from work and Jack's at the door, giggling and
especially happy to see me. He bends over, pulls down his pants
and moons me. He's roaring with laughter. Then he moves his butt
cheeks together to make them talk. "Hello Mommy! How are you?"
Mortified, again -- that's how I am. I am the butt of many butt
jokes in the house. Pat's a big boy himself and howling at this
spectacle, "I swear I didn't know he was going to do that. '
Jack!'" he tries to scold between gulps of laughter. And
Riley thinks anything Jack does should be emulated and imitated.
She bends over, trying to moon me, too. (Which is actually kind
of funny, because she just barely has a butt.)
There is much talk of butts, and all things butt-related
in our house.... and the car... and public places. We try to tell
the kids bathroom talk is for bathrooms, and we'll pretend we
can't even hear their bathroom talk when it's uttered. But
somehow that makes it all the funnier for them, and just might
prompt them to say it louder and more often -- to check if you
can hear it yet. If Jack isn't mooning me, or 'showing my butt'
as he calls it, he'll maybe have a Barbie doll or stuffed animal
moon me. And he's always very quick to report if there is a plot
line involving someone's butt on a TV show he's watching. (You'd
be surprised how often there is.) He likes to shake his butt when
he dances, or bounces around the room. Fortunately we did not
receive any reports of this butt-palooza happening at school.
Perhaps the teachers were too mortified to bring it up. And let's
not forget the appendage in front. That gets equal time for sure.
There are many questions, concerns and queries about it. Will it
fall off. Would he be a girl if it did. Would it grow back. Why
should he stop touching it. Etc. Etc. It kind of makes me want to
start up with the butt jokes instead.
Baby's Got Back! Of course, this can be rivaled by his
burping. He loves to let one rip. I think he enjoys drinking soda
just for its burp inducing potential. He brushes off my pleas to
cover his mouth or better yet close it when he has to burp.
Instead, he tries to bring them up from the depths of his belly,
as often as possible. If he doesn't say, "Oops sorry," (with a
stifled giggle) you might even get an "Excuse me," out of him. So
when did my son get such a serious case of "Boy?" Surely there
are some young members of the male species who do not have such
rude inclinations. Is it genetic, much like athletic ability and
spatial reasoning can be? And better yet, is it curable? Somehow
I just didn't picture my sweet little baby boy going the "snakes
and snails and puppy dog tails" route. It's not that I'd like him
to be so in touch with his feminine side that I'd find him
designing new outfits for his Rescue Heroes as they get ready for
tea, but please I'd like to pass on the passing-of-wind as sport.
Of course Pat assures me all this is "guy stuff" and guys think
burps and butts are hilarious, even to adulthood. And his teacher
has reassured me kids at this age are experimenting with cause
and effect, and how words and actions can have shock value.
Indeed. I probably make the situation worse by being so down and
out about the butts and the burps. Hopefully it's just a funny
phase I'll laugh at some day. For now, I try to gather up Jack's
sparse sensitive moments, and roll them back and forth in my hand
like shiny gems. He'll call out from his room at night for me, if
I'm taking too long with Riley before I give him his goodnight
kiss. He can't pass up the chance to pick a flower to hand me,
even little tiny ones he find in the grass. And he did ask for an
extra toothbrush for his sister at the dentist, even though he
often claims he doesn't even like her. So I'll hold onto these
moments when the moon is full in our house next time. Hopefully
this too shall pass. This is one game I won't be joining no ifs
ands or butts about it.
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