A Balancing Act: Dr. Susan Davidson

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Dr. Susan Davidson is the Director of Perinatology at the Dean Medical Center and St. Mary's Hospital Medical Center in Madison, Wisconsin and a Clinical Associate Professor in the Departments of Obstetrics and Gynecology and Family Practice at University of Wisconsin. She was previously the Chair, Department of Obstetrics and Gynecology at Saint Mary's Hospital. Here she looks back on her experience balancing life as a busy doctor and working mom to two children, Amelie, 25 and Seth, 19.

Samantha: You and your husband have both maintained extraordinary careers while raising two kids. What made it work?

Susan: The first thing was a desire to make it happen. Each of us was committed to supporting each other's choice in life and to facilitating their professional fulfillment as much as possible.

On a practical level, moving to a small college town made life much easier. Each of us commutes no further than one mile! Our children attended school very close to home. There were many college and post-college students available to help with childcare. In general, life in Madison, Wisconsin is relatively hassle-free.

Samantha: What was your childcare situation like?
Susan: We had in-home nannies until the children were school age. Once the kids were in school, we had either college students or other young adults who were often in a transition year. We were very fortunate to have some wonderful people, both female and male, many of whom are still a part of our lives.

Samantha: What was a typical day like for you?
Susan: I often left for work before the children left for school. My husband, Richie, did the majority of getting the kids ready for school. I usually came home at about six. For our family, it worked best if the children did not have to wait for us for dinner. Our nannies would stay until seven. The kids often sat with us when we had dinner.

Samantha: Do you feel like there is such a thing as "quality time?" Was there a certain time that you especially valued with your kids?
Susan: Evenings and weekends were clearly our time together. We tried to limit the number of chores done at that time as much as possible. I believe that "quality time" is a state of mind. The content of quality time can range from doing activities together, to being home together and being available to promoting and encouraging outside activities that the children love.

One of my favorite memories is of taking walks with my son after dinner. The houses had a warm glow and it was a beautiful time to be outside and to talk.

Samantha: How involved was your husband in the parenting?
Susan: My husband was very involved. As I said, he was the primary parent for mornings and also on those nights when I was in the hospital working.

Samantha: Could you have had such a successful career if he was not involved in the child rearing?
Susan: Absolutely not. The stresses would have been enormous.

Samantha: Many women complain that even though their husbands are involved, at the end of the day, they are the CEOS of the household, leaving the majority of the responsibility on them. Did you feel that way?
Susan: No. I felt that our decisions were shared. Also, although my husband works extremely hard, his schedule was more flexible than mine. For example, if repair work needed to be done at home, Richie could arrange it for mornings, when he was often home writing.

Samantha: Now that your children are both adults, what would you tell them about balancing work and family?
Susan: I would tell them to find the balance that works for them. I believe that middle class professionals are quite fortunate in that there are a wide range of possible reasonable approaches to life and that we are all very individual in what will work for us. I am not a fan of "shoulds" ("I should stay home" "I should work full time "). I think we make our best contributions to ourselves, our families and society when we can work from a centered position in which we find joy in the things we do. The balance can also change over time.

I think it's also important that the parents agree on their values and their approaches to family life. Sometimes I see couples who are not on the same page. That's when the "nighttime CEO" thing comes in. I think it helps to be explicit.