My husband Dan and I knew our dogless days were numbered well before we finally acquired our puppy. For one thing, our boys, Matthew, 11, and Jacob, 13, began asking for a dog shortly after they learned to speak.
Eventually, they started visiting dog pounds in much the same way other children head for malls. For years, Dan and I asked ourselves the same questions: Could we learn to live without large chunks of our sofa? Did we really want a wet, cold nose on our pillows prodding us for a 6 A.M. stroll? Were we ready for a dog?
All four of us had learned about owning a pet via four cats, a rabbit, highly reproductive hamsters and mice, a turtle and a parakeet. But we had learned the hard way, without doing much planning. That meant finding out that our children soon lose fascination with pets that don't respond in a deeply personal way. Claw, the parakeet that Jacob couldn't live without at age eight, could sing and hop, but he refused to say, "Hi, Jacob." Claw is now my pet.
Another surprise was discovering that my husband and I were suddenly caring for more than children and plants. We'd assumed the boys would do more animal caretaking than they actually did, a common parental error. No matter how good their intentions, children need help with a pet. They are responsible until they forget to be, and then, one way or the other, the pet comes hunting for you.
Still, owning a pet--many pets--has been worth the trouble. Animals are inherently intriguing and surreptitiously educational. Matthew, for instance, woke up one day to find a nest of baby mice in the mouse cage. And both boys eventually learned to take care of something besides themselves. They also discovered that animals are great playmates, icebreakers and boredom-smashers. Thanks to our boys' persistence, our household now includes a fluffy golden retriever. Your child may also have begun asking for a dog. Whatever happens, do not say yes--at least not immediately. Here are some questions to ponder ahead of time so you can be sure you're doing the right thing:
Why Do Your Children Want a Dog?
Jacob and Matthew envisioned the perfect pal, someone to play ball with and cuddle ad nauseam. But they had only spent time with a neighbor's beautifully behaved dog who doesn't bark, sits still while you pet him and never chews up toys. I tried to insert some reality into the situation by issuing short downside lectures like, dogs poop and puppies are insomniacs. A more effective approach might have been to borrow a dog for a few days. One family I know actually pretended to have a dog, staging mock feedings, walkings and so on, to emphasize the day-to-day reality of dog care.
Do You, the Parent, Want a Dog?
My husband definitely did not want a dog, and his clear stance was and has been helpful. The dog would be my dog. Even if the boys helped, I'd be the one to housebreak it, take it to the vet, trim its toenails, make sure it got fed and exercised, give it medicine and find it a sitter when we went away. The toenails held up my decision for a year or so. No matter how responsible your children, at least one parent has to want the dog or all of you will be miserable.
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