Keeping Love Alive After Baby Arrives

By Carol Krucoff

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Having a baby is both exhausting and overwhelming, so it's not surprising that pursuing physical intimacy isn't a priority for some new mothers. If you're feeling this way, don't worry. Many women experience the same sentiments after giving birth.

New mothers often feel sated with breastfeeding their babies. And although it isn't a sexual experience, the nurturing and mothering involved in breastfeeding offers such fulfillment that sexuality is often far from a mother's mind.

The challenge is to find a balance in your relationship with your husband.

Communicate and Appreciate
You need to have a frank conversation with your husband. First, make a list of all the ways he's helped with the baby, the house, and your life in general. Then discuss:

• How you feel about sexual intimacy right now
• How you feel about the birth of your child, your marriage, and him
• His sexual feelings and yours
• Let him know that you love him very much
• Let him know how much you appreciate him and all the wonderful things he has done for you and the baby

His Needs
You'll want to keep both romance and sex in your relationship. Leave the baby with the in-laws and go on a date with your husband. Find unpredictable ways to maintain the spark in your relationship. Cover the bed in rose petals, sip champagne by the fireplace, or take a dance lesson together.

Find a time when it's comfortable for you to be intimate with him, even if the two of you just touch. You may not feel like making love to him every week, or even every two weeks, but ask him about his needs and see how the two of you can strike a balance.

Your Needs
Get in touch with your needs, as well. You may need more rest or some time for yourself. Perhaps you could use a night out or some time with friends. Get a manicure, a pedicure, or change your hairstyle or color. If you need to get away, leave town for a weekend (with or without your husband) or do whatever it takes to make you feel good about yourself.

After pregnancy, it sometimes takes a while for your hormones to readjust. Just be patient and remember you're making the transition from couple to family.