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Parent Moments: Every Parent's Dream

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Even as a small toddler, our Princess in Waiting had the makings of the young woman she is today. At daycare one afternoon, I was initially horrified to learn that they referred to her as their "quiet, little intellectual" -- when she was only 2!

Now a teenager, my daughter is a beautiful, well-mannered girl with multiple interests, extracurricular activities, and a part-time job. She is very sharp and is therefore enrolled in multiple honors-level classes.

Some may think that this is every parent's dream. But my teenager focuses on school to the point of worry to her parents -- worry to her mother, that is. My husband, ever the academic, is thrilled to have a child follow in his calm, scholarly footsteps.

But as a self-admitted social butterfly, I find myself alternating between being immensely proud of her numerous accomplishments and wanting to push her out the door each weekend: "Go out with your friends!" "What are Jenny and Caitlyn doing tonight?" "Are there any mixers going on this weekend?" "Here. I found this boy's number on the bathroom wall at the coffee shop."

The response often goes something like this: "I've got a lot of homework this weekend, so I don't think I can go to the mixer." "I'd like to go to the party, but since it's a sleepover, and I'm working tomorrow, I think I'd better not."

Sometimes I wonder if the reluctance truly stems from homework concerns or if there is some other apprehension. Possibly, she's aware that there will be kids drinking alcohol at the mixer, and she just doesn't want to deal with that. Or maybe there's some alternative anxiety I don't know about. Perhaps, her friend's parents won't be home the night of the sleepover.

On the other hand, what if she really and truly just wants to stay home -- even if it's just to do homework? Just because that would be totally against my nature, does that mean it's wrong?

While I realize that mine may not be perceived to be a real "problem" compared to most that parents face, I don't want my teen to be so concerned or anxious about school that this time of her life is over before she knows it. High school will fly by; I know it did for me. I was not the student that my daughter is, and I admire that quality in her greatly. But the old adage "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy" hasn't stood the test of centuries without reason. There's merit to that statement, and it still applies today.

My daughter will have the rest of her life to work. (Don't we all know it?) How can I communicate to her that while her studies and grades are of vital importance, it's also crucial to be well-rounded? That she needs to experience high school for the other things that it should be: A time for exploration of who she is and who she's going to become? A time to get her feet wet in social situations while she's still under the protective umbrella of our love?

For now, my plan is to keep letting her feel her own way, while still making the occasional gentle suggestion. As parents, I think that's all we can do. If we push too hard, our kids are going to fly in the opposite direction anyway. So, isn't it best to offer guidance but, whenever possible, let them make their own mistakes (and successes)?


A Disney Family Blogger who often learns as much from her daughters as she imparts on them, Princess_Peg writes about food, school, travel, home decorating, and everything else that comes with life with teens at her blog, Balancing Act.

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Parent Moments: Every Parent's Dream

allaboutmequeen
October 10, 2007

Personally, I didn't really start to discover who I was until I got into college. High school can be tough. Even kids in their late teens can act very childlike and be very judgemental. College seems to be more of a relaxed environment and I can say for myself that college is where I really rounded out my life with "social" skills and I am sure your daughter will too!

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thib-0-deau
thib-0-deau says:
September 20, 2007

Wow! Sounds like our daughters could be twins! Don't worry, my daughter is 24 and a wonderful, outgoing person. I use to try to push her into going out in highschool all the time. She finally said to me, "I don't want to do what they all do". Upon asking a few questions I realized she was using very good judgement. I never pushed again and in college she blossomed! She was in a large high school but went on to a small college. She was one of the tops in her class, on sports teams, in clubs, and a ring leader for the parties!! Be glad you have a smart, beautiful, daughter and just know one day she will also make time for all the things you think that will make her well rounded!!!

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charsanna
charsanna says:
September 19, 2007

It sounds like your daughter has her head on right. Though you are right when it comes to how fast time flys and how she should enjoy time w/her friends.It could be that she doesnt want to go out because of drinking or it could be something else. Next time a party is coming up just ask her if she is going, if she gives you another excuse the best thing would be to simply ask why she isnt going, and say is it because there may be illegal drinking at this party. I know this sounds blunt but I found that when my mom confronted me with things (in a non-rude way)it was easier for me to talk to her. I couldnt just go up to her and say mom my friends drink so I dont know if I should go to this party. Also if you have the means, maybe make the initiative with simple things like I have to swing by the mall for something, want to bring your friend amy along and you guys can do some shopping since I have to go there anyway.

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