| Everyone has their story. So, each week, we're going to give a prize to the person who has made the best comment to that week's featured article about the hilarity and humbling experience of raising children. Learn More |
When I was first pregnant, I devoured book after book about parenting. I noticed that each author gave very different advice, sometimes conflicting, even heatedly denouncing other theories of parenting. "But surely a variety of parenting styles could co-exist," I thought to myself. "What works for one person may not work for another, and parents understand that, right?" Or so I thought.
A few weeks ago, my husband and I attended a local event with our newborn daughter, Mira. After a few hours, she was hungry and began to fuss. I looked around for a quiet corner of the convention center, and soon found a bench off the beaten path.
I felt a little nervous about breastfeeding in public, and so I pulled a blanket over her. An older woman saw me with my blanket and gently suggested, "If you keep your baby under there, she'll get too hot! She needs fresh air!"
As she walked off, I peeked under the blanket. It did seem a bit warm under there, so I removed the blanket. After all, I was angled in a way that no one could possibly see any skin unless they walked right up to me and looked down. Surely no one would mind.
But the stares began almost immediately. Looks of disdain and outright disgust were clearly visible on those walking past my bench. Even though I was feeding my baby in a way promoted by health professionals, the government, and many others, people clearly didn't want me doing it around them. One mother consciously moved to the other side of her son as they walked past, blocking him from seeing such a sight. She glanced back at me as they walked past, shaking her head with a huff. The weight of disapproving stares finally forced me to cover up with a blanket again.
Their judgmental stares were still fresh in my mind about a week later, when I took Mira to the mall. Knowing she would likely get hungry while we were out, and not wanting to provoke a similar reaction, I prepared a bottle of milk that I had pumped earlier in the day. I figured this would make the Parent Police leave me alone.
I wasn't prepared for the response I got while sitting in the food court, bottle in hand. Glancing at the mommy crew around me, I could see those same disapproving stares again. But what was I being judged for this time?
The woman at the next table struck up a conversation.
"She's cute," she began. "How old is she?"
"Oh, thanks! Five weeks," I replied.
She glanced at the bottle, hesitated for a moment, then said, "You know that breastfeeding is best, right?"
I was tongue-tied for a moment, then explained that I usually did, just not in public. She, thankfully, seemed to understand. But that didn't stop the other pairs of eyes in the room from shaking their heads at me.
These two instances of publicly feeding my daughter made me realize that when it comes to child care, no matter what you do, someone is going to judge you. Breastfeeding or formula, co-sleep or crib, organic or non-organic, public school or private -- someone's always going to disapprove of your choice, no matter how strongly you feel it's the best thing for your child.
But the fact is, there's no single, perfect way to parent, and so we must make the best choices we can for our kids, ignore the critics, and feel secure in the knowledge that we are doing the best we can.
As for me, I haven't given up on breastfeeding my daughter in public. Sometimes I do it openly, but other times I give her a bottle, depending on the situation. If I breastfeed her, I ignore the disapproving stares around me, and if anyone chooses to disagree with my choices, I smile and tell them, "Thank you for your opinion, but we're doing what works best for us."
0 |
