Parents often become less involved in the lives of their children as they enter the middle grades. But your teen or preteen needs as much attention and love from you as he needed when he was younger -- and maybe more.

A good relationship with you or with other adults is the best safeguard your child has as he grows and explores. By the time he reaches adolescence, you and he will have had years of experience with each other; the parent of today's toddler is parent to tomorrow's teenager.

What can I do to be a good parent for my early adolescent child?

Your relationship with your child may change -- in fact, it almost certainly must change -- as she develops the skills required to be a successful adult. These changes can be rewarding and welcome. As your middle school child makes mental and emotional leaps, your conversations will grow richer. As her interests develop and deepen, she may begin to teach you -- how to slug a baseball, what is happening with the city council or county board or why a new book is worth reading.

America is home to people with a great variety of attitudes, opinions and values. Americans have different ideas and priorities, which can affect how we choose to raise our children. Across these differences, however, research has shown that being effective parents involves the following qualities.

Showing Love
When our children behave badly, we may become angry or upset with them. We may also feel miserable because we become angry or upset. But these feelings are different from not loving our children. Young adolescents need adults who are there for them -- people who connect with them, communicate with them, spend time with them and show a genuine interest in them. This is how they learn to care for and love others. According to school counselor Carol Bleifield, "Parents can love their children but not necessarily love what they do -- and children need to trust that this is true."

Providing Support
Young adolescents need support as they struggle with problems that may seem unimportant to their parents and families. They need praise when they've done their best. They need encouragement to develop interests and personal characteristics.

Setting Limits
Young adolescents need parents or other adults who consistently provide structure and supervision that is firm and appropriate for age and development. Limits keep all children, including young teens, physically and emotionally safe. Carole Kennedy is a former middle school principal, US Department of Education's Principal-in-Residence (2000) and president of the National Association of Elementary School Principals. She puts it this way, "They need parents who can say, 'No, you cannot go to the mall all day or to movies with that group of kids."

Psychologist Diana Baumrind identifies three types of parents: authoritarian, permissive and authoritative. By studying about findings from more than 20 years of research, she and her colleagues have found that to be effective parents, it's best to avoid extremes. Authoritarian parents who lay down hard-and-fast rules and expect their children to always do as they are told, or permissive parents who have very few rules or regulations and give their children too much freedom, are most likely to have the most difficult time as parents. Their children are at risk for a range of negative behavioral and emotional consequences. However, authoritative parents, who set limits that are clear and come with explanations, tend to struggle less with their adolescents. "Do it because I said so" probably didn't work for your son when he was 6, and it's even less likely to work now that he's an adolescent.