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Letting Go of "Lovey"
Rated by 1 member
Flip through any collection of our family photos and he's there. From birthdays to vacations, first days of school to summer haircuts, the same family friend appears wherever my oldest son can be seen: stout, steadfast and...just a shade darker than Kermit the Frog.
Soft Turtle is his name, and he's 8 years old -- part of our family for longer than two of our three sons. When 9-month-old Jackson first held the stuffed animal, he was indeed soft. Now he's more like "Lumpy Turtle," his fur worn away in several patches on his belly, diminishing the likelihood of surviving his next post-flu machine washing.
We didn't know Jackson would bond so closely with Turtle -- it just sort of happened, and then it sort of never stopped. Neither of his brothers is attached to a "lovey," preferring to play the field among a bevy of favorites. Not Jackson.
We worried what would happen should the unthinkable happen and he found himself separated from his special friend. Thankfully, there's a blog called Plush Memories Lost Toy Search Service that reconnects kids with lost loveys (http://plush.dirtybutter.com/blog/).
But at nearly 9 years old, Jackson is starting to wonder if he's too old for a stuffed animal friend.
"What if my friends make fun of me?" he asked one morning on the way to school.
I knew this was a classic "teachable moment," but I must confess to hating these peer pressure talks. The mama grizzly in me wants to trounce any kid who even thinks of tearing away like a relentless vulture at Jackson's innocence.
I trotted out the "anyone who doesn't like you just the way you are isn't really your friend" speech, and even though I meant it, I knew it probably wouldn't sink in until he's had his heart broken a few times. The realist in me also knew that some kids will make fun of him if he fesses up to his bond with Soft Turtle.
I opted for compromise: "Your school friends don't have to know about Turtle. Let's keep him in the family for now," I say.
He seemed pleased with this idea. "Okay, Mom," he said, giving Turtle one last good-bye hug before grabbing his backpack and leaping from the minivan, ready to face another school day.
Do you have little ones who are attached to special toys? How do you help them let go? Click the comments link below to share ideas.
Member Comments On…
Letting Go of "Lovey"
All four of my children have special snugglies. My 19yr old still sleeps with her small pillow that she had when she was born. My 12 yr old still has the handmade quilt from when he was born. The other two are 7 and 5 and are planning to keep theirs forever. My oldest daughter took hers to college and had no problems as yet. My 12yr old son has taken some teasing from his friends, but has told them that they don't have to come over to the house if it bothers them since it does not bother him! I have always believed that there is enough fear for our kids in the world and whatever they need to handle it works for me.
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I must admit, I still have my "Scratchy Blankie", and while I don't sleep with it, I did turn it into a pillow, which I use for meditation. I'm curious to see how my 4 yr old dd will transition with her "Pooh Bear" as the years go by. As I write, they are curled up watching Phineas & Ferb in her fave recliner! I think if he ever went missing, we would have a hard time, but she has had a few nights when he didn't make it to bed with her, and her father & I were more freaked than she was! She'll survive without it, as far as I can tell...thank goodness :)
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My 5 year old is extremely attached to her stuffed Osh Kosh elephant, "Ellie" he goes everywhere with her.
Last year Ellie was lost and I told Gabi that he had gone on a trip to Disney World with his mom and dad. This bought me some time to look for Ellie before the "Ellie is gone" speech.
Thankfully, Ellie's parents dropped him off safely between the wall and the laundry hamper!
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All three of my children have some sort of lovey: My oldest has "yellow blankey", my middle child has "snoodle" (a shredded hunk of pink fabric which used to look like a fabric doll)and my youngest has "Curly" (a silky/flannel blanket with curly edges). My oldest child is 10 and starting to phase out his lovey on his own. He still sleeps with it at night, but it no longer needs to go with us on vacations. My other two kids are still deeply attched to their lovies and I have no intention of trying to figure out a way to "disconnect" them from their security objects. Life can be tough, so if a shred of fabric or piece of fluff can help you weather the storms...I say go for it!
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I frequently find "Rabbit" tucked in the sheets of my 18 year old son's bed. He has turned up in the bottom of sleeping bags coming back from Boy Scout campouts, and just about any where else you can think of! In years past, he and I have talked about peer pressure and ridicule around "loveys". I have let him make the decisions on his own, and he has handled it well. Of course, it helps that a few of his friends, who are now grown, have admitted the comfort to be found in a "lovey"!
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I agree, 100% - there are some things we can not do to help our children keep their innocence, and to help them feel secure when we can't be there. This is one thing that we CAN do. I will never discourage either of them from bringing their most loved stuffed animals with them if they choose. My oldest is 9 and has her "Pooh Bear" since she was 6 months old. I don't know who's more attached to the silly ole' bear - her or myself! My 5 1/2 year old has her pink (now more brown) bear that she received as a Valentine gift while she was sick in Children's hospital at 7 months old. "Night Night Bear" holds more signifcance than any other inatimate object in our house!
My little apples don't fall far from the tree either....I'm a sucker for stuffed animals. God Bless the lovies!
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We all have our security issues no matter how old we are. For most of us it is food or shopping. What is the problem with letting our children continue to have a blanket or stuffed animal untill they are ready to let go? It doesn't hurt them in any physical way and wouldn't it be more harmful pshycologically if we pulled away from them so quickly?
My daughter is 4 and has had her "Lamby" since she was 4 weeks old. I would never take it from her however we do have our rules. Lamby must stay at home unless we are taking a trip and then she stays in the car or hotel room.
Let your children have some peace in this rapid pace world.
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My daughter still brings her blanket on sleepovers, and she's 13. It runs in the family, though. My sister, age 34, sleeps with a replica I made of her old baby quilt. And why not? I have a favorite pillow and preferences for certain fabrics, too. Long live lovies and blankies, I say!
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