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Giving Brand Names the Boot
Rated by 2 members
I've just shelled out cash for holiday shoes, clogs, and snow boots, when Caitlin and Ellie hit me with "Can we get Ugg boots?" As soon as they see my expression, my 10-year-olds quickly to add, "Everyone else has them!"
A flurry of thoughts storms my head: frustration that my daughters had been sucked into the name-brand vortex, worry about the social jockeying they're beginning to face, and dismay that fashion will now be an ongoing issue.
"They're way too expensive, and you have all the shoes you need," I reply, ever-practical. Then I point out a number of friends who are still Ugg-free, thinking this will clear the matter up.
We move on to cinnamon toast, long division, and who pinched who in chorus. But over the next couple of weeks, the Ugg boots resurface. Soon my arguments feel thin. So I do some research.
My biggest blunder was assuming I knew why Caitlin and Ellie wanted Uggs. After all, I knew the horror of showing up with ordinary sneakers instead of leather red-swooshed Nikes and Levi's with the wrong color tag.
"The real issue isn't the boots. It's why she wants them. Does she just like them? Will she be a trendsetter if she has them? Will she be left out if she won't?" says Lyn Mikel Brown, Ed.D., co-author of PACKAGING GIRLHOOD and co-creator of Hardy Girls Healthy Women (www.hghw.org). "The real conversation starts with her answer, so listen carefully."
I hadn't even asked.
I met with Caitlin and Ellie separately to ask why they wanted the Uggs. I was surprised to hear that it wasn't all about status. "Everyone else" was part of the conversation. But so was the lure of that cozy fleece. And they couldn't have cared less if they wore knock-offs instead. We dove deeper, talking about fitting in, how trends begin, the power of marketing, making choices about spending money, and that there's more to being a girl than wearing the right thing.
In the end, I told them that if they still wanted them, they'd have to pay for the boots -- real or imitation -- themselves. It didn't break their hearts. It didn't ruffle them at all.
Best of all, when the next bristly issue surfaces, I'll be ready to set aside my reaction, and listen.
More tips to help you and your daughters cope with brand crazes:
How do you deal with growing girls and their desire to follow trends? Click the comments link below to share ideas.
Member Comments On…
Giving Brand Names the Boot
I'm a firm believer in clearance racks and second hand stores, you wouldn't believe what you will find there! I bought my 4 year old daughter a pair of real crocs from goodwill for $1.99, my son is a dirt bike rider and loves Fox & Thor stuff. I found him a hoodie at a consigment shop for $4.99 and I found him actual riding pants at a yard sale for $5, they retail at $80! Just shop around and check out those second hand stores, sometimes its worth it!
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We don't purchase brand name items to be liked by others. We teach self esteem based on the principals in the Bible, not the pocket book or popularity. The Bible teaches us that the Lord will provide ALL our NEEDS, which really only includes basic food, clothing and shelter. Unless the girls actually needed a mid winter boot replacement, the purchase regardless of brand name would be frivolous.
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I had a similar experience when crocs became popular. My 8-yr-old daughter wanted them because "everyone else had them". One day we were at Wal-Mart and they had knock-offs on sale. She asked to have a pair and since they were less than $10.00 I said ok. All we well for a while, but then someone at school clued her in to the fact that hers weren't real crocs. She came home and asked me (in a rather indignant tone) if I knew that they weren't real crocs. I said yes, but that the real ones were too expensive and that if she really wanted a pair, she would have to pay for them herself. She did (even sprang for the little decorations you can put on them. Sponge Bob, of course) and has happily been wearing them ever since.
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Well I am sure I'll get all kinds of grief for this but not only did I let my 8 and 11 year old daughters get Uggs (but only as Christmas and Birthday presents), but I only last 3 weeks after Christmas before I treated myself to a pair too. They are incredibly comfortable, warm and "cool!"
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This article from the company that started the Disney Princess craze? Please...
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My daughter is 7 and she's already doing the "but everyone else has it" plea for everything from halter tops to game systems. Thank you for providing a common sense and more thoughtful take on the situation. It sure beats my pat reply of, "If everyone else was jumping off a cliff would you join in?" (Yes, it's official I've become my mother.) Seriously there's a lot to talk about when children become aware of peers, brands and fitting in. It happens much sooner these days and I love the resources you provided so I won't fall into a knee-jerk reaction--the marketers have our kids' attention--we should be just as vigilant and available.
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I think your article is a little naive if you think it's only the daughters who are asking for brand names!!! I have a 10 year old boy who wanted a new hoodie because he had chewed the sleeve off his last one and this time he wanted it one from abercrombie! I too initially dismissed the idea because I didn't want to pay $40 for a sweatshirt halfway through winter when I had already bought him 2 and he had chewed on the sleeves of both and ruined them. And then, LIGHT BULB MOMENT, I realized that if HE bought the sweatshirt maybe he wouldn't chew the sleeves. So, I took him to abercrombie and luckily found their sweatshirts on clearance. He was able to buy 2 for just a little over half the price of a normal one and he hasn't chewed on the sleeves yet. I was tickled pink that he got a good value for his money and he also learned a lesson about treating his property with respect!
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I understand wanting Uggs! When they first came out, I really wanted them because they were soooo cool, but I couldn't afford them. I bought $20 imitations that lasted 5 years. I finally bought myself a real pair this Christmas and they are definitely more about looks! I love them! Best boots ever! And because I waited to get them until I had the money makes them special... and I'm a grown up. :)
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The Dream Team was very helpful this time around. My daughter is only in Kindergarten and already talks about being "popular", etc. I dread the time when fashion becomes the hot topic at our dinner table. Being a tomboy myself, I have a hard time relating. I know I can get through it with the help of family, friends and the dream team.
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Hi! I'm a mom and grandma and I wanted to share this idea with all of you. When my daughter started into wanting all the "name brands" my sister gave me a terrific idea! I used it many times and very successfully I might add. When your child asks for something you feel is too expensive or a name brand, offer to pay what you would pay for that item that is NOT a name brand and tell your child that if they want the name brand then they will have to work to pay for the other half of the amount. For instance, when my daughter was younger OP (Ocean Pacific) was a HUGE deal then and she wanted some pants by them. So I told her what I'd pay for pants at Target and I'd give her that but she had to make up the difference. SHE DID TOO!!! She did the same thing with L.A.Gear with some shoes she wanted. It's just a suggestion but it worked great at our house. It taught her the value of money and that she had to earn the "special" things she wanted.
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