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Taming the Green-Eyed Monster
Rated by 3 members
I'm making my way across the muddy playground to pick Talie up from preschool when she and a friend come crashing up. Breathless, her friend asks me, "Is it really true that Talie's sisters are mean?"
This shakes me for a number of reasons. I'm crushed that Talie feels strongly enough about this that she'd tell her 4-year-old pals. Generally, they're much too busy slathering a picnic table with mud or playing kitties for talk of home life.
Then I'm sad for Caitlin and Ellie, my own girls, fingered as big and bad.
Finally, I'm upset with myself. I know my vision of everyone always getting along beautifully in a "Little House on the Prairie" sort of way is unrealistic. But I can't help feeling some guilt that I'm not doing better on this count.
I decide to set aside one-on-one time with each of my kids, but I know family harmony is an ongoing project that can't be solved with a quick fix.
One day I stumble across a picture book that seems to resonate with the girls a bit. SPRING'S SPRUNG, by Lynn Plourde, tells the tale of how Mother Nature's daughters, March, April, and May get distracted from their job of welcoming spring because they're too busy fighting about whom mom loves best. Since this is often the root of our big-sister-versus-little-sister conflict, I bring the book home from the library.
We read it a bunch of times, together and separately. I tell them that just as April's song is "tinkly, sprinkly" and May's is a "soprano trill," they too have their own special qualities. Like Ellie's sensitive nature and love of fun. Caitlin's unique perspectives and boundless Tigger-like energy. And Natalie's perpetually sunny attitude and sense of empathy.
Another night I read Judy Blume's THE PAIN AND THE GREAT ONE, a picture book that vividly depicts how little and big sibs sometimes see each other. This brings several chuckles. It also brings some realizations for the big sisters. Although it seems to them like Talie scores nothing but hugs and ice cream even though she ate but two bites of her marmalade chicken, Talie in fact sees their lives as the good ones, full of sleepovers and staying up late.
The next day, I watch the three of them racing through the backyard collecting baskets of sticks, leaves, and rocks for their fairy village. Learning to get along together will be a recurring theme that plays for years to come, but in this moment at least, a little of Plourde's message has sunk in: "A mother's heart is big enough to grow and grow and stretch and stretch. The truth — I love you ALL the best."
Member Comments On…
Taming the Green-Eyed Monster
I have a 15 year old son and a 5 year old daughter.My son prayed for a sibling for about 5 years before he was 'blessed' with his sister. She has always adored her big brother. But at times, he loses patience or she becomes a tad bit 'bratty'.I am an elementary school teacher and have always believed in the many benefits that reading to your child offers. I have encouraged my son to read to his younger sister. She looks up to him and loves her special time with'Bubba' as she affectionately calls him. When he's low on patience or she's high on brattiness I try to find an appropriate book for him to read to her. The lesson I want to teach is usually better received from him reading to his little sister than it would be from me giving a lecture.
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123456
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My kids are 3 and 4. They usually get along...but they have their moments. I was referred to the book "Siblings Without Rivalry" by Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish. I have also assigned each child an odd or even day for all "choices" or who goes 1st. My husband and I also try to spend 1:1 time with each child each week, in some way or another - I like the "date" idea once a month previously listed! Keep trusting yourselves!
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First of all your a wonderful mother. Just taking out time for each one of your girls and making each one feel important is a priceless memory and lesson of your love for them that I'm sure that they will never forget. I also have two girls in in kindergarden and a 3year old. There is a lot of jealousy. That I pray they will grow out of. But all I can do is let them know how beautiful and smart each one of them are. Lots of praise and love.
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There are a couple of fantastic tips I've learned from other moms that help keep the peace among our three children.
The first is "room time." At some point during the day, each of the kids plays quietly alone in their own room (or just different rooms of the house if they don't have their own bedrooms). We make it sound appealing by saying that this is a time when they "don't have to share" and they can enjoy some alone time.
It makes their together time more of a privilege. And they really do look forward to playing together again.
We also have "date nights" with our kids one-on-one at least once a month. This is their chance to do something fun and have mommy or daddy to themselves, whether it's for a bike ride or an ice cream cone and trip to Target. Kids crave individual attention and this is a great way to make them feel especially loved. (and not so jealous!)
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I was so releived to see an article about sibling rivalry. I have a 7 year old daughter, a 10 year old niece, and a 13 year old sister. As you can see our girls are spaced three years apart. These three girls compete with each other more than my older sister and I ever did. They can't play in a group of three. One of them is always left out (never the middle child for some reason). I try to explain to my daughter that she is not as old as her aunt and cousin but at times it's like talking to a tree, because all she wants to do is be a big girl. Our kids arevery protectictive of each other and I am extremely thankful for that but I wish they could see how special of a relationship they have some times.
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If you are at the stage were you are still growing a family, this is a great place to start, and never ever have to deal with sibling jealousy. The answer is simply to lead by example. If you are busy with the baby, and the older child desires your attention, then include the older child in the activity. Diaper changing for instance, the older child can hand you the supplies, or nursing the baby, make sure you have something for the older child to do near by. We have never had an out right jealousy problem with our quiver full. Books are maybe helpful, but leading by example is always best! Have a blessed day.
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I have not quite gotten to this stage yet. My oldest is 2 and my youngest is 3 months. I am scared of when this starts because being an only child (I have a much older half-sibling, but was rasied as an only child) I have no idea how to handle. Hopefully some of my teacher ideas (assining "jobs" each week for things like first to the table or out the door, or the above mentioned cup wiht sticks) will help me a little bit. I also will have to deferred to my husband on some of these things since he is 1 of 6!
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I can definitely relate...having 4 boys, 2 years apart...it seems like every week there is some sort of conflict (heck, every day practically).
One thing I have done to cut down on it, when I start hearing cries of 'who's first?'...for out the door line leaders to out of the van first, is to use a "Fair Cup."
When my oldest was in kindergarten, his teacher had one of these. A regular cup which contains 4 sticks, each with a child's name on it. I choose a stick, that child gets chosen for whatever they are arguing about. Then it remains out until everyone has had a turn. Even the youngest boy (2) has one. They like this method and there is very little whining, and that is the end of it.
Although there is always something, this little bit of peace I have found from using this cup is a blessing.
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As a traditional Jewish family, we always sit down to family meal times on Friday night & Saturday lunch. The Friday night dinners have been disastrous for as long as I can remember, with my 9 year old daughter & 7 year old son constantly fighting, and my 2 year old daughter learning all kinds of bad behavior from them! I finally cracked it last month by buying them a game full of questions on absolutely everything and anything. They get to ask & answer questions, which sparks conversation, and the fighting has GONE! (Wish I had a solution for the rest of the week...)
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