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Tackling 'The Talk'
Rated by 2 members
One night when our daughter was 5 and our son was 3, my husband was giving the kids a bath. Over the sound of splashing, I heard Sabrina say, "Dad, Kaitlyn S. told me that in France, people kiss with their tongues. Is that true?"
My husband — at that time a Navy officer in charge of running not one, but two nuclear plants on an aircraft carrier — faintly replied, "I don't know. You'd better go ask your mother."
Then he pulled the drain plug, wrapped Sabrina in a towel, and sent her off to see me.
I believe in answering my children's questions honestly. I also believe in giving my husband a hard time whenever I get the chance. So I told Sabrina, "Go tell your dad that not only do people kiss like that in France, they kiss like that right here in the United States!"
As she padded off down the hall, I realized it would clearly be my job to teach our kids about sex. Fortunately, I have found some wonderful books to help.
When the kids were younger, I read the books aloud, and our discussion grew from there. We started with a very sweet DK book by Angela Royston, WHERE DO BABIES COME FROM: A DELIGHTFUL FIRST LOOK AT HOW LIFE BEGINS. This book, appropriate for preschoolers and up, discusses how life begins using mostly plants and animals as examples, leading to a gentle discussion of human reproduction that focuses more on how babies grow and are cared for than on conception.
Through the years, we've continued to use books to keep "the talk" going. Although my kids are now in middle school, I don't just hand books to them and send them on their way. We sit down and read through the pages together, stopping to discuss what we read. Two of our favorite sex-ed books, suitable for kids 10 and up, provide plenty of laughs along with detailed information about puberty and reproduction: HAIR IN FUNNY PLACES and MOMMY LAID AN EGG, both by Babette Cole.
One caveat: Some parents may find the somewhat graphic drawings in Cole's books controversial. We found them accurate enough to be informative and cartoon-ish enough to keep us in our comfort zone. Whichever resources I find to teach our kids about sex, I always preview them carefully to make sure they suit our family's values.
Other books we have found useful are:
The books we've found over the years have helped us avoid the one-time-only variety of "the talk" I had as a kid. These books have helped keep our family's lines of communication open, so our kids will feel comfortable asking questions whenever they arise.
How have you handled "The Talk" with your kids? Click the comments link below to share ideas.
Member Comments On…
Tackling 'The Talk'
Thank you for bringing this subject up because I am definitely one of those "chicken" parents who needs help in this arena, and I love Babette Cole so step one for me is to order those books and open those communication lines.
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It is true that most of us wish our children were just born with this knowledge and we could skip those most anticipated conversations, but it just doesn't happen that way. My husband and I have found a book that was very useful for educating ourselves on how to approach "the talk" entitled: The Chicken's Guide to Talking Turkey With Your Kids About Sex by Kevin Leman. It is a great book and would recommend it to anyone with children no matter the child's age. It is NEVER TOO SOON to be prepared.
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Thank you for the great article. What a difficult subject. I think many of of us simply wish we could avoid it. As good parents we know we can't. I also find that books can be helpful. We started with the DK book Sandiva recommended. As my daughter grew older, I gave her the American Girl book titled The Care and Keeping of You. I also gave her The Feelings Book, The Care and Keeping of Your Feelings. They have both been very helpful. They go from 'princesses' to moody teenagers in a hurry! I find my daughter privately pulls these books out often. I plan to check out the Babbette Cole books you suggested as well. We all want open communications but as a mother of a "quiet" 13 year old, sometimes the books can address things that you cannot. Thanks Again Shannon! www.myseriesse.com/mccortneys
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Shannon--you're my hero. Can I get your home address and send my kids over to your house when sex questions come up? I so appreciate the book suggestions and like you, I believe in answering my kid's questions honestly. We refer to our bodies in anatomically correct language so one day I heard my daughter, 6, explaining to a friend that "she has a 'china' but her little brother has a penis." I realized I better work on pronunciation a little bit! Goes to show if you don't educate your kids, someone else will, (and in this case it might be my daughter putting her own spin on things...) Again, thanks for the inspiring talk about "the talk." I need all the help I can get.
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When my daughter was in first grade, she learned the facts of life from an older friend. I spent about 5 minutes verifying it was true then about an hour explaining why that is something moms and dads like to talk to their kids about so we don't ever bring it up at school or on play dates. I am lucky enough to have the copy of How Babies Are Made that my mom gave to me after I had kids of my own. I got it out for my daughter and let her read it over and over again and then put it on a high shelf telling her she can read it when she wants, but not when she has friends over. I agree with Shannon. You have to answer the questions honestly. Tell them what they want to know simply in language they can understand and make sure they know they can come to you with ANY question and you will answer it.
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