Been there, done that....This is going to change... You and your husband if worked out right, will become best friends, if you servive the kids...First an for most... Do not let the kids come between you both and don't allow the kids (ALL) to see that you both are in disagreement about the handleing of each others kids. The older ones catch on to this quick and will use it against you both. They will set you both up to fight about everything... motive of theirs, can be many, but the one I know best is selfishness, is to split you both up so they can get their way and have you to their very own.
Instead of discussing the issues at home where they can hear and maybe see you in action... Try to go to someplace else where none of them can hear you talk or see you argue. You both have to find a common ground in discipline for both sides. This should have been discussed before you both decided to remarry w/ kids. And it is OK to agree to disagree when you can not come to terms on what to do, but then come back later when you both cool off, and try again to talk about it. Most of all, don't give up on each other, that is what the kids would like. Step Parenting is the most hardest thing to go thru, especially if there are lots of kids involved. I have 3 girls ages 3, 6, 9 at the time, and my husband has a girl 15 and a boy 12 at the time. His were older then mine, which said, they were in charge of mine when we were not close by. So, they thought....We got every book on the maket about step parenting and blended families, we studied and we prayed alot. It was tough, and the kids as they grew gave us both as many tests as they could possibly muster up. There is going to be a time you have to put all your armor on, not from each other but from the kids... They get more cleaver the older they get. So, try to work it out while they are still young. Wish you well.