I am so glad I "met" you.
I have been trying to work through this physical/emotional mess and get on with my life. I have spent too many days feeling defeated and in pain already. I have shed many tears in grief, I want my old life back so much I can almost taste it.
Over the last few years I have come to understand that my old life is dead and it's okay to grieve, but it's also best when dealing with grief that you have to pick up and carry on. Now if I can figure out exactly "how" to carry on I'll have it made.
I totally understand about everything you have said. I have great friends and family but sometimes I know they just don't understand. I also have a 20-25 extra pounds on me. I have always had a small frame and the extra weight is making me miserable. I have been taking Lyrica, a side-effect is weight gain. After switching Rheumies my new one has recommended Savella. I have been tapering off Lyrica, I was up to 300mg a day and some days it didn't seem to be enough. Back to the weight gain, since not being able to return to work money is tight here *to say the least* and none of my old clothes fit. Even my shirts are too little. I have 2 sets of Pj's that "almost" doesn't look like PJ's, I wear and wash them....over and over. Before I wouldn't be caught dead in public w/ PJ's. Now "real" clothing is just too uncomfortable. I don't even fix my hair or wear make-up anymore. I have completely given up.
Congrats to you for losing and keeping off some weight! I have heard the first and the last 20lbs are the hardest to get off. It will be easier to get more off since you crossed the first 20lb hurdle.
I more than understand what you're going thru. We can get past this mess one day at a time. One thing we know for sure, we are stronger than what we ever thought. I never would have imagined that I could endure such on-going pain and survive. We are stronger than a lot of people. We have to be.