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  • Sons: Ages 32 & 28
  • Daughters: Ages 27 & 24
  • Work full-time outside home
  • Group Leader
Winning or Losing?
FamilyHost_Tom - August 28, 2009
My father taught us to play cards, ping pong and sports. He inevitably won at everything we played. My mother would chastize him, telling him to "Let them win sometimes." His response was that we learned by playing and he didn't want us to learn that we should deliberately lose. When you play games with your kids, do you deliberately let them win? Is this a mother-father distinction? I let my kids win a few times, working to make it appear that I was trying my best, just to encourage them. Let us know your thoughts.
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  • Son: Age 3
  • Work full-time outside home
Dad2SammyW - August 29, 2009
I agree with you. There are sound social lessons to be gleaned from winning. I deliberately let my nieces and nephews win on occasion so that they may experience the good feeling that success brings and can learn how to be good winners (in other words, no gloating and lots of complimenting the other players on their performances). When I let them win, I never let them realized that I had let them win.
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  • Sons: Ages 32 & 28
  • Daughters: Ages 27 & 24
  • Work full-time outside home
  • Group Leader
FamilyHost_Tom - August 31, 2009
Replying to ...
  I agree with you. There are sound social lessons to be gleaned from winning. I deliberately let my nieces and nephews win on occasion so that they may experience the good feeling that success brings and can learn how to be good winners (in other words, no gloating and lots of complimenting the other players on their performances). When I let them win, I never let them realized that I had let them win.  
By Dad2SammyW
I did the same thing. Then when my son was21, he beat me at a game of basketball. I didn't let him win, and it was interesting that afterwards I felt a bit depressed. Not bad, and of course, I congratulated him, but it was one of those watershed events and I realized that I was no longer going to be able to control who won, that while my skills were undoubtedly eroding, his had been improving. Intimations of mortality set in. :) The mind is a funny thing.
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  • Son: Age 3
  • Stay at home
AnnabelleMcB - September 02, 2009
When we were younger, my dad would definitely let us win. I think part of it was to learn good sportsmanship and some was to help us grasp the basics of whatever game we were playing. As we grew, my dad would get incrementally tougher on us so that we would elevate our skills and also value the victory.
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  • Sons: Ages 32 & 28
  • Daughters: Ages 27 & 24
  • Work full-time outside home
  • Group Leader
FamilyHost_Tom - September 03, 2009
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  When we were younger, my dad would definitely let us win. I think part of it was to learn good sportsmanship and some was to help us grasp the basics of whatever game we were playing. As we grew, my dad would get incrementally tougher on us so that we would elevate our skills and also value the victory.  
By AnnabelleMcB
That's a good approach. Congrats to your dad!
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open quote "Oh, I'm especially fond of you" - The Shackclose quote
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