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As the oldest child in my parents house growing up, I didn't have an older sibling to tell me the truth about Santa.  Nor did I have any older cousins around, and no one at school ever spilled the beans to me.

So I was 8-years-old when I figured it out of my own volition -- logic finally taking over in my brain as I grew up.  I specifically remember the moment: I was sitting in a booth at McDonald's with my parents when I questioned them about it.  "Mom, Santa's signature is in your handwriting."  And, "really, a grown man couldn't fit down a chimney."  Or the one I remember getting the most angry about, "but how could Reindeer fly? That makes no sense, they don't have wings!"

My parents finally gave in to the truth, whispering and pointing to my 3-year-old sister and insisting that I keep quiet so I didn't ruin the fun for her.  (She was 5 when someone in kindergarten told her the cruel reality of a Santa-free world.)

Christmas was of course still loads of fun after I knew, but the "magic" disappears a bit once you learn the truth, I think.

But since I became a mother, I've learned you can reclaim that magic through the eyes of your children.  The past few years have been so much fun, watching my son believe and seeing him react to Santa in the mall, or on tv or out and about at Santa appearances.

But no one told me what a tough secret it is to keep!  First off, my 4-year-old has already noted some inconsistencies.  He actually asked me the other day how Santa was in the mall and on the train at the same time.  "Magic," I quickly answered.  And he also asked me why I was buying so much wrapping paper if Santa was bringing all of our presents.  "Mommy and Daddy are giving you some presents too so I need wrapping paper for that," I told him.  And to cover my butt when he unwraps presents from Santa with the wrapping paper he recognizes, "and I got some extra in case Santa runs outs out and needs to borrow some of ours."

One of his close friends here is Jewish.  Since they don't do Christmas, they don't do the Santa thing and their daughter knows the "truth."  At 5, she's been sworn not to tell but I can only trust a 5-year-old so far.  Every time we're together and Santa comes up, her mother and I have to try and steer the conversation in another direction.  (Although I may be safe with this one because she recently saw Santa in the mall with her Mom and told her Mom, "well Mom, I think Santa's real even if you say he isn't.")

The kids *want* to believe, I think that's the reality, but it's a hard myth to keep up.  I feel like I sound my grandmother when I say this but here I go, "these kids today...!"  Seriously, I feel like kid's today are savvy.  And from hiding the Santa wrapping paper, to keeping the presents somewhere he won't discover them, it's a full time job just keeping it going.  They are bombarded with hints and reasons not to believe.  And this is when my child's only 4 - I can't imagine what it will be like in a few more years.

Still, I keep it up as best I can because although it may be a little silly, it's so much fun.  Nothing beats that Christmas excitement that comes from believing that a big red dude's going to somehow magically know what you want and deliver it all to your house in his big reindeer pulled sleigh in time for Christmas morning.  And I'm going to maintain that magic for him for as long as I can.

Plus, using the Santa thing for blackmail purposes is always handy.  He's not scared of me, but he's definitely scared of Santa only bringing him "black rocks" (as he calls the coal) in his stocking if it's not a good boy.  Because Santa's always watching and knows when he's awake and when he's asleep.  Gotta love it.