Now that it's finally getting warmer, I made the mistake of encouraging my daughter that perhaps it was time she considered wearing shorts to school and then spent the next half hour insisting it was merely a suggestion.

Trying to convince an 11-year-old that "never" may turn out to be a very long time - especially on a very humid day in the middle of August - and that her legs were really not that hairy, was perhaps the same as telling me that gray hair was a symbol of my charm and wisdom.

"What's the big deal?  At least you don't have to change for gym class!"

My 13-year-old (Thing One) hates gym and I slowly nodded my head in agreement.

"Oh yeah...you think that's bad?  Well, at least you're skinny!"

Thing Two patted her lower belly.

"I'm fat!"

Ugh!  Why do these conversations always seem to take place, late at night, when I'm worn-out and it's already half-an-hour past their bedtime?

"Okay, first of all, you are not fat and I don't want you comparing yourself to your sister!"

Who was I kidding?

They're girls and - who cares if one had the patience of a saint and that the other was funnier than all get out - they didn't see what I did and are unable to appreciate anything more than the reflections in their dresser mirror.

As a mother - who happens to color her hair, paints her toe nails in the summer and always seem to be on a diet - how can I tell them any different?  I mean, of course we've discussed the importance of accepting ourselves and each other's imperfections.

How could I honestly tell them that it wouldn't matter?

"This is not fat.  It's a part of your body that just hasn't decided where it wants to go, yet.  Because the only thing that's done growing on you...yet...are your ears!"

[giggling]

"I'm not joking - I read an article, once, where a boy was born without an ear and they had to wait until he was 6-years-old to operate, because that's when our ears reach their adult size."

I pullled up her pant leg.

"And your legs are not...whoa!"

Thing Two bit her bottom lip and placed her hands on her hips.

"See, I told you, and check out my armpits!"

My eyes went wide.

"Well...um...okay, all I can tell you is that once you start shaving, you can't stop."

I told her that I would show her, but to give it some time - at least until I can check into exercise classes and another safe form of hair removal - as I silently tried to accept the fact that we are all learning to deal with such grown-up issues.

"So, then can I get liposuction, too?"

My eyes went wide, again.

"Where did you ever hear a word, like that?"

She patted my belly.

"No, for real, it's where they suck the fat right out of your body with a kind of vacuum cleaner, or something."

I turned the lights out.

"Nonsense - after all, four babies grew in there - I worked hard to get this belly!"

Besides, how would I hide my big hips!?!