Groaning, a lot of shifting in the sheets and I swear I saw little floating lights before my eyes, first thing this morning.  Unfortunately, it was not the visual after-effect of a passionate infused moment (something my husband strives for, quite frankly) and the day had not even started, yet!

Very simply and plainly put; I was done.

My mommy senses were tingling and it was one of those mornings where I felt the day would never end.  All I wanted to do was spend it alone, with my coffee.  I did not want to hear it.  I did not want to deal with it.  I did not want anything, but to pull the covers over my head and pretend that nothing existed beyond me and my pillow.

Why?

I don't know - you don't have to look very hard to see that I am blessed for many reasons, five of which dwelled somewhere close and just beyond my bedroom door - but, I can tell you that nurturing four little personalities, after a while, takes its toll.  Sometimes the simple task of completing homework, eating dinner or getting ready for bed becomes a battle.  Already, I felt drained and drawn deeper to the darkside.

This morning, Dart Vader was the man and Luke was a total wuss!

My husband kept his distance  (after all, he has lived with me long enough to understand)  and he jumped-started the kids as I downed my coffee (and then his) and showered in a vain attempt to bring me back to my senses.

It did not help, so I got dressed for the day and kept my mouth shut in civility.

Eventually, it does get better - usually, around the time the kids are in school and I get to work - and by the end of the day, I'm driving home and the kids and I like each other, again.  Like today, when my 5-year-old daughter was talking about my brother's wedding (she was the flower girl) and how we were all looking forward to celebrating their 3rd anniversary, this weekend.

"Hey Momma, when are they going to have a baby?"

Great - another one of those philosophical moments in the minivan that manages to bring my mind to a screeching halt - stupid traffic!

"Well, I don't know.  It would be nice.  But, maybe they don't want to have a baby.  Not everyone does."

Heaven knows, I have done my fair share of birthing grand babies - I'm done!

"I know, you could just tell them how to have a baby, Momma - it's easy!"

I bit my lip and my head started to hurt, again.

"Sometimes, it is not so easy.  But, there are plenty of babies and older children, who don't have mommies or daddies and would love to find a home or some place nice to live."

I leaned over and unbuckled the car seat.

"Like our house, right Momma!"

I swallowed hard and tried to blink away the tears.

"Yes, but we already have a pretty big family - I'm done, baby."

My oldest two girls giggled and my son just shook his head.

"Yeah, but you are a pretty good mom...even though you yell...a lot...and we could always use another boy, you know!"

Yes, it does certainly seem as though some of us mommies yell, a lot - I will forgive you, if you understand when I do not always wake up with a smile on my face and a song in my heart - but, at least my kids seem to think I am...well...pretty good, with or without caffeine.