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Go with Plan B... find the kid inside you again.

Holidays are especially tough if you and your family are going through a life change. If you are dealing with a death in the family, divorce or chronic illness, the holidays can be brutal. Holidays are a time to dream and wish. If your life is not exactly like the family in It's a Wonderful Life this season, don't let it get you down.

Major life shifts can leave you depressed and the holidays make any feelings you have even stronger. Rates for depression and even suicide rise during the Christmas season, it's a sad fact of life. The pressure to be happy is stronger during this time of year. The pressure to have a picture-perfect family life makes us all compare our family to the ideal versions of what family "should" be.

I have dealt with major life changes like death and divorce so I know how it feels. Here are some tips that helped me get through the tough times. You can get through it and have a good holiday -- you just have to let go of some of the "shoulds" and "musts" that go along with the season.

Don't Compare
I know it's hard when every TV commercial and holiday card you receive is screaming "PERFECT FAMILY." The fact is, there is no perfect family. The people that claim they have a "perfect family" are those that end up on the 6 o'clock news -- the ones that went postal at the convenience store over gas prices or the price of a giant sippy cola. Everyone has skeletons in their closet and everyone has a little WT in their family tree. It's a fact.

Give Yourself a 'Grace Period'
Give yourself a "grace holiday" following a death, divorce or major life shift. Go to Mexico instead of Peoria with the kids, if you can. Just for one year, do something a little different. Sometimes just doing a holiday "Plan B" is a good way to give your heart a little time to heal. I am not saying this is right for everyone, but it worked for me.

Be Good to Yourself...So You Can Be Strong For Your Family
If there is a family change or crisis, the worst thing you can do is to run yourself into the ground. You are the mom and you need to take care of yourself so you can help the rest of your family. You are the glue...so get that mani or pedi or go tothe movie with your friends. Take short breaks, because if you are strong, you can give more back to your family.

Laugh
Laughter is one of the best ways to get through bad times. Time is the greatest healer but laughter is what will help you see the light at the end of the tunnel. This holiday, watch a funny holiday movie or watch a completely stupid movie with the family that makes all of you laugh. Laughter has an amazing healing impact on everyone. Create opportunities for laughter and watch what happens.

I hope this is helpful. I sure don't have all the answers but know what it's like to have a family in crisis among all the other families that are PERFECT.