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Sleeping - North Woods Style...
 
If you're just joining this reverie of the North Woods, you might want to catch up by visiting my first two posts on this subject, City Girl in the Woods and Bathing in The Itch - Yes, The Itch!
 
So, we sat around the big fire, toasted marshmallows, the kids told ghost stories, the adults imbibed. Quintessential American stuff, right? The kids go to bed about 10:30, followed closely by the adults, spent from the long drive to the cabin that day but happy to be in the woods at last.
 
Midnight - I lie awake, wondering who's up using the handy dandy Luggable Lou in the hallway. Yes, the hallway. That pretty much nixes the Luggable Lou system for me. It stands there in the hallway, an open invitation for all to come and use it - and an open invitation for anyone to catch you while you're in the act...this is a very different place indeed. All things considered, I think I'd rather take my chances on a bear mauling me in the dark on my way to the outhouse.
 
1 AM - Princess in Waiting, then seven, has been crying inconsolably for two hours. Scared. It's too dark. Not used to the creepy sounds (nature is scary...). Sounds like frogs, mainly. She can't get to sleep. I'm afraid she's keeping the other seven people upstairs awake, too.

2 AM - Princess in Waiting finally falls asleep - in our bed - there are now three of us in a double bed...all 72 inches wide of it. We are not small people. This is very comfy. I am wide awake. Nature is ultra restful. What is that awful smell? Oh, goody. I think it's me.

3 AM - Have to pee like a racehorse. Willing it to go away. Blast those vodka tonics. I figured they'd make me sleep. What was I thinking?? Should have known I'd need to get up. Periodically, I hear a scurrying around downstairs - I'm hoping for a mouse, but Lord knows what it is, and I can't go down there. I'm such a wuss.

4 AM - God, kill me now. If I wet this bed, I will never forgive myself. Will blame it on our precious inconsolable daughter. Never mind that the stuffing is coming out of the mattress, and it smells of mildew. This isn't my place to soil.

5 AM - OMG, OMG, OMG. This is hell. Nature hell. Where is a toilet when you need one?
Can no longer turn over in bed for fear of leaking. Would slit my wrists, but razor is still outside from failed bathing attempt.

6 AM - Sun is rising. Courage returning. Bears probably sneak off when it's light out, right? Along with the Boogey Man? Geez, what a wuss...

6:15 AM - Hubby wakes up; bounds out of bed to go outside to take a leak. I beg him to wait for me to slither out of bed (avoiding leakage...) and go with him. Safety in numbers, right?
 
I have made it through one entire night in the North Woods. Thank you, God.
 
Next time: the defining differences between "Da' Yoopers and Da' Lowpers"!