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Lame-O Reproduction of Purple Bracelet

OK, so I don't have a picture of an actual purple bracelet to show you. So, sue me. Shoot me! Throw rocks at me. Oh, wait - that's sarcasm. Let us begin anew.

I'm terribly sorry that I don't have a picture to share of the lovely, purple, "no complaint" bracelets that are making the Beany Baby craze look like a two minute fad. Hmm...is that sarcasm, as well?

Rewind.

Sorry. No picture. My bracelets haven't arrived yet. And I might have to wait up to SIX (yeah, 6!) weeks for them to get here. SIX WEEKS! Geez Louise! Oh, you're right. That would be a complaint.

Lest I never finish this post, we'll journey onward...

Have you heard about this craze? If you haven't, then you undoubtedly live under a bridge surrounded by toadstools because these bracelets have been on about every news program - and even the coveted Oprah show - in the last few weeks. What started out as a pastor's tiny little effort to encourage his congregation to stop complaining long enough to appreciate life a little more has snowballed into an unbelievable turn of events.

The Reverend Will Bowen of Christ Church Unity in Kansas City, MO was attempting to help his congregation form an "attitude of gratitude" by going 21 days without complaining. The church purchased purple bracelets and suggested to members that they move the bracelet to the other arm each time they broke their individual cycle of complaint free time. Imagine everyone's surprise (and disgust!) at how often they were switching wrists!

Well, word got out about the congregations's noble quest, and this is no longer a local thing. Or a Midwestern fad. It's all over the country. The church has received so much press that they've been offering their bracelets for a goodwill offering ever since. When I ordered my 10 bracelets (hey, if I have to quit complaining, so do 9 of my closest bud's!), the church had processed requests for 2,337,158 bracelets. Talk about a movement! That's a lot of purple plastic!

Why, just while writing this post, I would have had to change wrists 7 times already, and that doesn't even cover the whining I was doing silently. Does that count, too, I wonder? Even gossiping counts! Ouch! Within the church's website, you can even find hints on what constitutes "complaining". Now, their definition was a little textbook for me, so I thought I'd offer my own. After all, my bracelets haven't even arrived yet, so I'm going whole hog until they do. After that, it's cold turkey, baby. No more complaining for (gulp...) 21 days.

To Complain (Princess Peg's Definition):

• To be a big, fat baby whiner
• Causing others grief due to one's own self-centeredness
• "Discussing" others' faults - with distinct relish
• To express dismay and disillusionment at the complete dysfunction of the world around oneself

Now, are you tired of hearing all that negative stuff? Good! Then, get thine own self to the link above and request your free bracelets. And don't forget to consider making a small donation to help the church's volunteers continue their good works. Finally, start getting the complaining out of your system. Is it a little naughty? Perhaps. Consider it like Fat Tuesday before Lent is for Catholics. The feast before the famine. Now get on with it! And let me hear how it all works out. I'll be reporting back with my own results later - if my bracelets ever arrive!

Total Number of Complaints/Sarcastic Barbs Causing Me to Fictionally Change Wrists: 12

Including That Last One: 13

Including...well, we've got to stop somewhere.