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Recently, while reading ShopandTell's post on Mom Jeans and her ideas for clothes that fight the fashion industry's efforts to make us feel bad about our bodies, I got to thinking about the very fine line we walk as parents. We often find ourselves struggling to find that balance between parent and friend. I think this is especially true for mothers. And correct me if you disagree, but I would also argue that it's most true of all for mothers of daughters. Now, it's fair to point out that my only parenting experience is with daughters, but the bond between a mother and daughter is - well, let's just say it's tight. While fraught with the complexities of "Not like that, you're not leaving the house", "because I said so's" and "Why didn't you ask before you borrowed that?", a mother-daughter relationship, at its best, can be one of the most rewarding relationships of a woman's life.

So, as my daughters make their way through their teen years (one just heralding hers in and the other firmly ensconced in them...), I'm taking pause to reflect on the ever-changing face of our relationship. I certainly don't want to become one of "those moms". You know that you know the ones. The moms who dress like their daughters and appear to think that they are still 16 themselves. Often viewed as the "cool" mom by the daughter's friends, this mom can't seem to draw the line between parent and friend. On the other hand, I don't only want to be a parent. I want to be a friend and hopefully even confidante. I see glimmers of this occasionally with my daughters and suspect this will truly happen eventually, but in the mean time, I will settle for what I can get within the parameters that I've laid out for myself.

My older daughter has finally left the "I don't want anything to do with you, and would you please walk 10 steps behind me" stage of life. (Thank goodness for small favors...) We have fun together and laugh a LOT. Our younger one is entering that yucky stage but seems to be a little more comfortable in her own skin than Princess in Waiting was at the same age. I think perhaps we can attribute this to the benefit of having the older sister to show her the ropes and hold her hand through some of the tougher adolescent angst-ridden activities thus far. Princess in Waiting, while not exemplary at every turn, is certainly a great role model for Teen in Line and is quick to offer fashion advice and tips for hairstyles, etc. While these things may seem to be simply surface items, they are what consume teenage girls' minds, so this comes in very handy.

An example in point:

I am a firm believer that as long as a kid is willing to dress up and behaves respectfully, he or she should be able to go trick-or-treating. Last year, in 7th grade, Teen in Line dressed up as the Fashion Police for Halloween. She enhanced a cute jeans outfit with a special "tool belt" that carried a hair dryer, curling iron, hair spray, some makeup, handcuffs, and a ticket pad for writing up fashion citations. She had done her hair in hot rollers, and I swear, she looked like something out of a magazine. It was a little frightening...At my sister's Halloween party, she wrote up several "citations" for people who weren't dressed up, etc.

So, this year, she told us she thinks she'll be a Crime of Fashion. She'll still have the handcuffs, perhaps dangling from one wrist if she can stand them. And then, she'll be wearing dorky clothes, weird or messy hair, and a sign that says "Crime of Fashion". So, Princess in Waiting was giving her ideas of what to actually wear for the outfit, and she asked me if I had a pair of "Mom Jeans" she could wear. Me? Mom Jeans? I'm way too cool for those...!

Of course, when I think about it, I know that I've got an old pair (that needs to be donated...) that I had tucked away years ago, thinking that they would somehow miraculously fit me again. These, I know, would be the perfect Crime of Fashion jeans for Teen in Line's costume. And yes, I will dig them out for her. It's hard to believe that my jeans, even if they're a little too small (not to mention horribly out of style), could possibly fit my 13 year old.

But there it is. They're growing up. And I will continue to walk the fine line between parent and friend, being careful not to become one of "those moms".