Birthday parties can be a quandary for even the most seasoned parent. Once an option reserved for the very rich or very spoiled, I challenge you to find a middle class child who hasn't had his or her share of birthday parties. While some parties are fancier than others, one common dilemma for today's parent is deciding just what to do at the party. Never mind how many kids to invite and what kind of cake to serve. Those are the easy parts.

When the kids are young, you can easily placate them with a "Pretty, Pretty Princess Party", where all the girls dress up in their favorite princess costume. While at the party, the princesses can enjoy high tea at the dining room table, complete with cloth napkins (don't worry, it's the mix, not the match - the girls won't care what the linens look like...), mom's real china, mini PB&J's, and fancy schmancy cookies. Find a couple of games on the Internet, and you're golden. Boys can have a similarly themed pirate party. Consider hiring a favorite babysitter to help out on the big day.

But when it comes to teenagers? Houston, we have a problem. At our house, it's all estrogen, all the time (except for my Big Strong Man - poor guy doesn't stand a chance!), so my ideas here will reflect my personal experience in the world of teen girls. If your child has a Y chromosome, I'm sorry, but you may have to look elsewhere for your ideas on this particular subject!

Points to Ponder:

• Boys? Or no boys?
• On-site or off-site?
• What's the budget?
• Spend the night or cut it off at 11 pm?
• Theme?

OK, let's get started! The good news here is that most teens have a pretty good idea of what "floats their boat" at this point, so chances are, you will not be reinventing the wheel in this situation. More often than not, what you may need to do is redirect their efforts toward more frugal activities or fewer guests. ("No, 100 guests is not OK, sweetie...This is your birthday party, not your wedding.")

 
Boys?
My knee-jerk reaction has been no for my two girls, who turn 13 and 16 next month. Fortunately for me, neither has asked for the boy-girl party, so it looks like I'm safe for another year anyway. In my older daughter's case, I certainly would have been willing to do something coed, but I guess I got lucky, and she didn't ask. She likes the fact that she can just be herself around her girlfriends and not have any pressure associated with her birthday party.

On-Site or Off?
Generally speaking, you will spend less money on a homespun party, but there have been a few doozies at our house where I managed to spend a small fortune. My advice here is to look to your teen to see what she has in mind, and then discuss my next point (Budget). For years, our rule of thumb was every other year (off-site vs. on-site). The kids knew this and planned accordingly.

What's the Budget?
Your budget may determine the answer to the last question. Know your teen. If she's going to push you to your limits, then give her a hard budget. If she's pretty easy to please, this may not be an issue.

Spend the Night?
I love a good sleepover, but my daughters' friends have come to learn that they should come to our house intending to actually sleep sometime after midnight. If their goal is to stay up until dawn, they'll have me sitting down in the basement with them like a major party pooper. Nothing ticks me off more (OK, maybe some things do...) than my kid coming home from a party where she got two hours of sleep! Call me a buzzkill, but there's no reason for kids to be staying up all night. It messes with my kids for days when they do it, and life as we know it ceases to exist in the interim.
 
Stay tuned. Next time, we'll take up where we left off with "Themes" and "Final Notes to Consider".