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Posted by Mary Lebeau on May 12, 2009

When she was a wee bitty princess, Libby's favorite word was "mine."

"That's mine!" she'd proclaim, chasing down her brothers for a stray ball or the last cupcake.

But then -- almost by magic -- she changed her ways. "May I share your cupcake, please?" she requested of Max. He raised his eyebrow skeptically as he broke a piece off for her.

I'd like to take credit for her sudden change. After all, I'm the one who hissed, "Be polite!" at her whenever she forgot to say please or didn't want to share her toys with the princess across the street.

"That's not nice," I'd remind her when she swiped a crayon from a friend or burped without saying "excuse me."

I even used the ultimate insult -- "A real princess wouldn't do that!" -- when she exhibited one sort of impolite behavior or another.

"What do you know, Mom? You're just a commoner," her brothers would laugh. Thus, the little princess' bad behavior was encouraged -- and this commoner became decidedly discouraged.

But then, Conrad Hilton and Walt Disney came to the rescue. Well, not the men themselves, but two books inspired by their creations. The first, "Be Hospitable," was a kiddie book written as a giveaway for the hotel chain which prides itself on its hospitality. The second, "Polite as a Princess," featured Disney's beloved princesses demonstrating the very best in royal manners.

I read both books over and over to Princess Lots-of-Locks. "Being hospitable is working as a team," I read one night.

And the next night: "Princesses always say please."

Libby loved the books, and had me read them so often that she knew them by heart. "That's not hospitable," I heard her tell her brother when he pushed in front of her.

"A princess would never do that," she reminded her dad when he didn't offer her any of his snack.

I could see she heard the words -- and she knew how to apply them to the actions of the other people (you know, us commoners). But had she taken them to heart? Would she recognize unmannerly behavior in herself?

Fortunately, the answer wasn't long in coming. The next Saturday, the princess across the street and her doll Kit (dressed as Cinderella) came to join Lots-of-Locks and her doll Kit (dressed as Aurora) for some lemonade and cookies. The foursome sat at our deck and drank from tiny porcelain teacups, sharing stories and laughing. "Would you like some more?" Libby asked.

"Yes, please," came the answer and, as she poured, Libby pointed out, "That was so hospitable."

But then I noticed the single cookie -- the one single cookie left on the plate. Both girls reached for it, and I could see my daughter struggling to hold back the "Mine!"

She stood still for a moment, hand still reaching, then said slowly, "Would you like to split this cookie with me?" Her guest nodded.

"I really wanted that cookie," she told me later, after the other princess went back to her kingdom across the street. "But I knew I had to be hospitable. That's what Aurora would do, right?"

"Right," I agreed. It's nice to be a princess, but in the long run, it's more important to be a Lady of the Manners.